Whether you have questions about your wedding party or need tips for being in the wedding party, we got you covered.


Planning a wedding can be stressful, and that stress can occasionally bubble over into tensions or disputes between loved ones. This can be especially true about your [wedding party](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/build-the-perfect-wedding-party). There’s a lot of responsibility that comes with being in a wedding party—and, oftentimes, a lot of money. So, whether it’s disagreements about price points, schedules, or general dispositions, issues can arise in groups of all sizes. Here, we’ve outlined five common wedding party disagreements and how to solve them.  
 
## It’s about money... 
Money is a hard topic to discuss in any capacity—weddings are no different. In the midst of planning expenses with your wedding party, slight tensions may pop up and the topic can get heated quickly. It’s important to address the issues upfront and as soon as possible. Here are three common wedding party money issues that can crop up: 

### You're expecting too much. 
From an engagement party, bridal showers, bachelor/bachelorette party, and day-of wedding activities, the cost can add up. If a member of your wedding party starts to feel uncomfortable about the number of financial obligations associated with your wedding, try having an open dialogue. 
 
Make it known that you want them involved in every step of the way, but you understand that you can’t expect too much from them financially. Pick an event or two you prioritize over the others and let them know there are no hard feelings if they can’t make the others—and mean it. 
 
### Everyone spends differently. 
Not every member of your wedding party acquires or spends money the same way (or at the same capacity). When one member of the party is suggesting penthouse suites, the other may be recommending the cheapest house-share. Oftentimes these arguments can happen away from the couple’s attention. 
 
To avoid or resolve these issues, make it known to the wedding party that your main goal is to have fun and make everyone comfortable. Before the wedding details unfold, create an online survey to see how comfortable everyone would be spending for certain events (let them know it’s anonymous). This is easy to do in a Google form. From there, set financial caps that, hopefully, work for everyone (and their wallets). 
 
### Someone is having income issues.
The job market is tricky. If you have a bridesmaid who’s in between roles or coming up short on freelancing work, for example, be sympathetic. Let them know you’re OK with them skipping certain events. You may also opt to split the cost on certain things like their wedding attire.

![INLINE MichelleLawsonPhotography 1080x720 Mishelle&Jason](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/4oXUzuEFsurZueGM2CNEmH/2fd8b0047b00f885a8317662d320fbc4/INLINE_MichelleLawsonPhotography_1080x720_Mishelle_Jason.jpg)
*Photo Credit* // Michelle Lawson Photography
 
## It’s about the maid of honor or best man...
This could go a few ways. The issues could be between you and your MOH or BM or they could be about those people. There are a few ways to ease the discomfort with or between those closest to you:

### You can't choose.
The age-old dilemma, [who do you ask to be your best man/maid of honor](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/what-to-do-if-you-can't-choose-just-one-maid-of-honor)—your best friend, your sibling, no one? If there are a few people in the running for that top position, be considerate. Once you make your decision, don’t let it sit in the air if someone was potentially hurt by your choice. Have an honest conversation with them and explain (nicely!) why you came to that decision. If it seems too hard, don’t forget: It’s totally OK to have two people in that position.
 
### You have multiple MOHs or Best Men.
OK, yes, it’s a good solution for the first issue, but we need to acknowledge that having two maids of honor or best men raises issues, too. Complications can arise if the two feel like their competing in the role—or one person is consistently dropping the ball. To avoid or mend any of these situations, set a clear plan of responsibilities and expectations between each. For example, one person should plan the engagement party. The other is responsible for the bachelor/bachelorette party.
 
### Your MOH/BM isn't involved.
Whoever you choose as a MOH or BM probably knows that the role comes with [a lot of responsibility](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/checklist-maid-of-honor-duties). Still, it’s important to set precedents on both ends from the beginning. If it helps, you can even outline the expectations in writing. If you feel like your right-hand person isn’t holding up their end of the deal, be upfront and nip the issue in the bud right away. You never know, they may have something personal going on that’s distracting them from the role.
 
## It’s about wedding attire... 
From mismatched bridesmaids dresses to unique pocket squares, [wedding party attire](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/let-bridesmaids-choose-own-dresses) can be a source of excitement—or contention. 

### The dresses/suits are expensive.
We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: It can be expensive to be in a wedding party. If you agree to be in a wedding party, you also usually agree to front the cost to look the part—whether that be in a dress or suit. 
 
Sometimes this can cause tension as not all party members make or spend money the same way. To help alleviate this, ask your bridesmaids and groomsmen what they can afford. Present them with an anonymous digital survey and try to offer attire options at affordable price points.
 
### Your party doesn't like the attire.
When you don’t get to pick the clothes you have to wear, sometimes you don’t love the clothes. This is especially true of bridesmaids dresses. If your [bridal party](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/what-is-a-wedding-party-and-do-you-need-one) pushes back against your attire choice, hear them out. Is the concern about the color? Well, truthfully, that’s not up to them. However, if it’s an issue of fit or they feel bad wearing the dress, that’s a little different. 
 
Before you shop for bridesmaids dresses, poll your party. Ask them what styles or shapes they prefer. You probably won’t be able to find something that checks every box on every list, but at least this way you’re setting yourself up for more success by listening to what your bridal party would like to wear.   
 
![INLINE VictoriaHeerPhotography 1080x720 Spring&David](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/59gHw4qRqyn70Vm670iEee/6de88ee079f3d8399fbf4edbbdfc11f6/INLINE_VictoriaHeerPhotography_1080x720_Spring_David.jpg)
*Photo Credit* // Victoria Heer Photography
 
## It’s about inappropriate behavior...
Sometimes the people we love don’t do things we love. It happens—none of us are perfect, old habits die hard, etc. However, if those behaviors impact your wedding planning or wedding party at large, it’s time to talk about it. 

### You're worried about too much drinking.
Weddings are meant to be fun and receptions are meant to be parties. However, sometimes alcohol can cause things to get out of hand. To avoid drinking in excess (on purpose or by accident), supply your wedding party with food throughout the day, tons of water, and limited sources of alcohol. 
 
For example, provide a hearty breakfast while you get ready. Ask your party to only have one drink before the ceremony (or none!). Be sure to be upfront with your wedding party, too. Remind them that you’ll have family—of all ages—in attendance. Tell them they’re welcome to party but to keep the antics clean and be responsible for themselves. These small steps can make a big difference in avoiding a scene of any kind later in the night.
 
### There's lingering drama.
Your wedding party is usually made up of a group of friends and family that know, well, a lot of about you and, likely, each other. If there are past issues or current problems that you don’t want to be discussed, be sure to make that clear immediately. 
 
If two of your wedding party members don’t get along perfectly, for example, pull them aside (together or separately) and make it clear that they need to be able to keep their issues far away from your wedding planning process. No, the world doesn’t stop just because you’re planning a wedding, but there are a time and a place for unrelated disputes—and the events leading up to your wedding aren’t either. 

Wedding party disagreements happen—it's really only natural. However, be upfront and honest with your bridesmaids or groomsmen about your expectations and your feelings. They're there to support you—and they will.

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Wedding Party

Weddings are all about celebrating the love between you and your partner. You’re also celebrating the love you have with the people closest to you as a couple—and that includes your wedding party. Building the perfect wedding party can be tricky. You can’t include everyone but you also want a good range of personalities and loved ones. Exactly how many people you should have in your wedding party is entirely up to you, of course. If you’re struggling with the numbers, though, here’s an easy trick to figure out the best size wedding party for you.

![INLINE EileenKPhotography 1080x720 Lynn&John](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/4cAtF4ZqLg8TPQyMzXy91J/d43166ae7e68a0b63999ce666b29d032/INLINE_EileenKPhotography_1080x720_Lynn_John.jpg)
*Photo Credit* // Eileen K Photography 

## How many people should you have in your wedding party?

The key here: Look at the size of your wedding.

Ideally, the size of your [wedding party](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/what-is-a-wedding-party-and-do-you-need-one) will be proportionate to the size of your wedding. So, for example, if you’re having an intimate gathering of 50 people, it might not make sense to have a full wedding party of 20. On the flip side, if you’re having a large wedding—and your current guest list is 200+—having a 20-person wedding party makes a bit more sense.

Whether you’re planning a small wedding, a large wedding, or something in between, here are some guidelines for finding that wedding party sweet spot.

### If you’re having a small wedding...
If you’re having a small wedding—75 people or less—it makes sense to keep the wedding party small. Aim for 10 people or less total, not for each partner. 

### If you’re having a mid-sized wedding...
If you’re having a mid-sized wedding—let’s say between 75 and 150 people—you can reasonably add more people to the wedding party without having it feel disproportionate or unbalanced. 

With a wedding this size, you can have a wedding party of up to 18 people (for example, nine one each side) without it feeling like “too much.”

### If you’re having a large wedding...
Do you have a guest list that’s a mile long—and a list of potential wedding party members that’s almost as long? Well, we’ve got good news for you.

The bigger the wedding, the bigger you can make your wedding party without it feeling over-the-top or disproportionate to the number of total guests. Some couples have as many as 15 wedding party members—each.

If you’re having an extremely large wedding, you can also have an extremely large wedding party—really, anything up to 30 people should work.

__Note: Bear in mind that this is your wedding. If you want a huge wedding party at a small wedding, by all means, proceed! These are just rough guidelines to help you plan.__

![INLINE HaleighNicolePhotography 1080x720 Sasha&Joey](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/4tclOO5P15tbLSk1WJiVEF/9cdfba3d113b219e83fa3cc391eadb1f/INLINE_HaleighNicolePhotography_1080x720_Sasha_Joey.jpg)
*Photo Credit* // Haleigh Nicole Photography

## Other Factors to Wedding Party Size
Obviously, the size of your wedding should play into how many people you ask to be in your wedding party. However, that’s certainly not the only factor you should use to decide your wedding party size. Here are a few important tips to keep in mind as you’re choosing your wedding party:

### Keep your budget in mind. 
One of the most important things to think about when deciding on the right wedding party size for you and your partner? [Budget](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/7-reasons-you-may-go-over-your-wedding-budget-and-how-to-not).

There are certain costs that you need to cover for your wedding party, like [wedding party gifts](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/wedding-party-gifts) for everyone and, potentially, [hair and makeup](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/a-guide-to-wedding-hair-and-makeup-costs) for your bridesmaids. The more people in your wedding party, the more expensive it can be. So, before you decide on the right wedding party size for your wedding, make sure to look at your budget and get a clear idea of how many people you can actually afford.

### Don’t worry about perfect balance.
Back in the day, most couples thought their wedding party needed to be perfectly balanced—you and your soon-to-be-spouse had to choose the same number of people for your respective sides.

Simply put: Don’t worry about it. If you have three people you want to stand by your side at your wedding and your partner has five, that’s totally fine. There’s no need to have each side of the wedding party be perfectly symmetrical—and there’s no reason to add people to your wedding party to make things look “even” or “balanced.”

### Not having a wedding party is OK, too.
Don’t want to have a wedding party at all? No problem! There is no right or wrong way to do this. You can choose just to have a [maid of honor](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/checklist-maid-of-honor-duties) stand next to you during your wedding ceremony—or you can choose to have no one at all. 

Ultimately, it’s your wedding and you should do whatever you want to do! As long as you choose a group of people you want 


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groom with bridesmaids in different dresses

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bride and Maid of Honor smiling looking at each other holding bouquet

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A lot goes into planning and hosting a wedding. So, it’s important to keep the right people around you to help you deal with the many ups and downs along the way. Choosing the members of your [wedding party](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/what-is-a-wedding-party-and-do-you-need-one) is an easy way to do just that. No two wedding parties look alike—they can be made up of friends, family, or a mix of both—but no matter what your party should include people who add positivity and guidance as you plan your wedding. Here’s how to build your perfect wedding party that fits you and your fiance’s needs.

## What Is A Wedding Party?
At its simplest, a wedding party is a group of people chosen by an engaged couple to support and celebrate them from engagement to the big day. Typically a wedding party is made up of friends and family and is responsible for certain wedding planning duties along the way. Think pre-wedding showers and parties, participating in the actual ceremony, and even acting as witnesses to the marriage.

![Apollo Fotografie InlineImage 1080x720](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/4wyK4FoY3BcZo72xSYvKna/3ad510afcb92d011caabf68b613ec78b/Apollo_Fotografie_InlineImage_1080x720.jpg)
*Photo Credit* // [Apollo Fotografie](https://www.zola.com/inspire/search)

## Traditional Members of the Wedding Party:
A wedding party can be large or small—it’s entirely up to the couple. Traditionally, the wedding party includes bridesmaids and groomsmen, but technically it also includes other members, as well.

__Note: This a standard list of traditional wedding party members. A wedding party doesn’t have to follow this outline at all. Choose the members of your wedding party based on your relationships and personal preferences.__ 

- __Maid of Honor or Matron of Honor or Bride's Honor Attendant:__ This person is responsible for overseeing the bridesmaid’s responsibilities and [helping the bride with planning](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/checklist-maid-of-honor-duties). During the reception, the maid of honor typically reads a speech speaking to the couple—particularly focusing on the bride. 
- __Bridesmaids or Bride's Attendants:__ A group that consists of the closest friends and family members to the bride. [Bridesmaids](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/what-are-the-bridesmaid-duties) assist with wedding planning and stand by the bride during the ceremony. More recently, brides are opening their wedding parties to include men, as well: bridesmen.
- __Best Man / Best Woman / Groom's Honor Attendant:__ Equivalent to the maid of honor, this person is the closest friend or family member to the groom. The best man (or woman) stands by the groom on the day of the wedding, makes a speech to the couple during the reception (speaking primarily about the groom), and is responsible for holding onto the wedding rings during the ceremony. 
- __Groomsmen:__ A group of the groom’s best friends or closest family members. [Groomsmen](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/what-are-the-groomsmen-duties) stand next to the groom during the wedding ceremony and offer moral support during the planning process.  
- __Ushers:__ These people literally usher wedding guests to their seats. These are usually other close friends or family assigned by the couple. In some cases, the groomsmen will act as the ushers ahead of the ceremony. 
- __Bride's Parents:__ Traditionally, the bride’s parents or parent hosts the wedding ceremony and reception. Other responsibilities may include walking down the aisle with the bride, making a speech at the wedding reception, and participating in a memorable dance. 
- __Groom's Parents:__ Traditionally, the groom’s parents or parent host the rehearsal dinner ahead of the wedding ceremony. During the wedding reception, the mother of the groom may be asked to participate in a mother-son dance. 
- __Grandparents:__ Both partner’s grandparents. While they don’t traditionally play a role in the wedding (they could be asked to do a reading), grandparents are typically escorted down the aisle before the ceremony and seated in the first few rows. 
- __Officiant:__ An individual who officiates the wedding ceremony. For religious weddings, this may be a priest, minister, pastor, or rabbi. For non-denominational ceremonies, an officiant may be a government official or a friend/family member who has registered with the county’s clerk office. 
- __Flower Girl:__ During a wedding procession, the flower girl scatters rose petals (or flower petals of choice) down the aisle before the bride walks down. Typically, a flower girl is younger than the age of seven. She is usually the daughter of a family member or a member of the wedding party. 
- __Ring Bearer:__ This person is responsible for carrying the couple’s rings to the best man/best woman. Typically, the ring bearer is under the age of seven and the son of a family member or a member of the wedding party. 
- __Readers:__ Two to three readers are chosen to read aloud select texts during the ceremony. Usually, couples will choose guests beyond their wedding party to include more loved ones in the ceremony. 

### Additional Roles 
Along with the traditional roles of a wedding party, we’ve included some roles a religious wedding may include in the ceremony processions. 

- __Pages:__ Otherwise known as train bearers, these are young boys or girls who assist the bride with the train of her dress as she walks down the aisle. 
- __Candlelighters:__ Prevalent in Christian weddings, taper candles are lined up at the altar as a symbol and are incorporated into the wedding ceremony. Candlelighters are guests (around the ages of ten or twelve) chosen to light the taper candles before the wedding ceremony begins. 
- __Shusha Vim:__ Traditionally, Jewish weddings don’t have a designated bridal or groom’s party. The Shusha Vim is chosen to help assist the couple on their special day (this can be anyone from a sibling, parent, or close friend). 
- __Chuppah Carriers:__ During a Jewish Wedding, Chuppah Poles are raised during the ceremony with the help of chosen family members or close friends.
- __Koumbaro/Koumbara:__ Popular in the Eastern Orthodox religion, the Koumbaro/a (Koumbaro for male and Koumbara for female) is a close friend or family member of the groom. The Koumbaro/a assists in both the ceremony and reception traditions. 
- __Hattabin:__ In Muslim culture, Hattabins are primarily male friends or family members close to the groom. Acting as a groom’s wedding party, they assist in preparing the groom for the wedding and help with wedding planning. In some cases, the Hattabin is even responsible for seeking out the proposal from the bride. 

![Lifelong Photography Studio InlineImage 1080x720](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/3rHA2w1TXsEXiu8bTIvqV/adae6b3e8cac0c978da070638f48e43a/Lifelong_Photography_Studio_InlineImage_1080x720.jpg)
*Photo Credit* // Lifelong Photography

## Things to Consider When Building Your Wedding Party

### Make it unique to you.
As we said, while a wedding party consists of traditional roles, who you choose to include is entirely up to you. There’s no set way or rules to follow when selecting who should be part of your special day. Mix it up—have men and women support both partners. Ask your mother to walk you down the aisle. Train your dog to be your ring bearer. How your ceremony plays out and the people that you include should be unique to you and your relationships. 

### Consider personalities.
Just like it’s good to have some yin and yang when it comes to selecting the person you want to marry, the same goes for selecting the individuals who make up your wedding party. For example, ideally, your maid or man of honor is someone responsible and ready to tackle the many tasks that come with the role. Choose someone ‘hands-on’ who’s comfortable taking the reigns.

That said, a full wedding party of the “hands-on” type isn’t necessarily the best idea. Be sure to mix things up and try to build a group of various personalities. Some key traits we love to see in wedding party members:
- Someone with a lively sense of humor
- Down-to-earth, down-for-anything supporters
- The empathetic types to text when you’re overwhelmed
- Party animals—*hey, you gotta love ‘em!*

## Wedding Party Questions
Here are some common questions couples may consider about building a wedding party. 

### Do We Have To Have the Same Number of Groomsmen/Bridesmaids?
No. There is no wedding party quota! Typically, couples prefer to have the same number of members in their respective parties, but oftentimes that’s for no other reason than procession’s sake. Don’t feel pressured to add additional people to your party just so the photos are even on both sides. Choose each member of your wedding party with intention—you should want each person (even if it’s only a few) to be there with you on your day.

### Can I Have More Than One Maid of Honor/Best Man?
Sometimes choosing this important role feels impossible. Fortunately, it’s totally fine to have more than one maid of honor/best man. This is common in the case of multiple siblings or close best friend groups. Just be sure that the people you choose know that they’ll be splitting up those major responsibilities and are ready to help out.

### Do I Have To Choose A Maid of Honor/Best Man?
On the other hand, if it seems like too much hassle to [choose a maid of honor](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/wedding-party/brides-crew/how-to-choose-a-maid-of-honor) or best man, forgo the title completely. This way, you don’t have to stress about making a sometimes tough decision—and no one feels left out. That said, we still recommend designating someone to speak on your behalf at the reception (if speeches are your thing). Also, make sure your wedding party is ready to work together to take on those usual maid of honor/best man additional responsibilities.

### Do I Have To Include My Fiance's Sibling In My Wedding Party?
The simple answer is no, you don’t. While it’s common to include your own siblings in your wedding party, depending on your relationship with your partner’s siblings, it’s up to you. Obviously, we want you and your partner to avoid any unnecessary drama or hurt feelings so be sure to be upfront with their siblings if you don’t want to include them. We also recommend assigning them another role if they’re interested (they might not be!), such as reading at the ceremony.

### Does My Sibling Have To Be My Maid Of Honor/Best Man?
This, again, is totally up to you and dependant on your relationship with your sibling. It’s possible that you have a friend or cousin who you would prefer to act in this role for you. We, as always, recommend being upfront with your sibling to avoid any hurt feelings or drama. It also could be true that your sibling doesn’t want to take on the responsibility of the role. You won’t know until you talk about it with them.

### Is It Ok To Mix Up The Genders In Our Parties?
Absolutely. Your wedding party can be as mixed up as you prefer. Why exclude your best guy friend from your party just because he’s a guy? Please don’t do that. Invite any and all of those nearest and dearest to you, regardless of gender (or any other similar limitation), to stand proudly next to you on your big day. 

Building a perfect wedding party may not be the easiest task, but it’s a rewarding one. Incorporating friends and family into your wedding day is a great way to build memories and get the support you need. 


Having too many friends is hardly ever a problem—that is until you’re engaged and you want a [wedding party](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/build-the-perfect-wedding-party). Of course, it’s completely up to you who and how many people you want to be part of your wedding party. That said, not everyone can—or should—make the cut. There’s a lot to consider when selecting members to fill this all-important role. Here’s how to cut down your wedding party, tactfully and drama-free.

## Who should really be in my wedding party?
While you may be tempted to ask every sibling and close friend to be in your wedding party, it’s better to be a bit more curated about it. The [responsibilities of the wedding party](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/what-are-the-bridesmaid-duties) far surpass the simple task of standing by your side as you say “I do.” The role involves [various tasks and responsibilities](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/what-are-the-groomsmen-duties) including, helping with the wedding planning process, planning certain pre-wedding events, providing emotional support on the day of the wedding, and a lot more. 

Needless to say, not everyone in your life is even up to the task of being a wedding party member. Quality really counts over quantity. A handful of meaningful wedding party members will reign supreme over a Rockettes-long row of them. Plus, coordinating photos is much easier with a smaller group.

Bottom line: You shouldn’t feel obligated or pressured to ask each and every person you’re considering for the job. Feel empowered by the fact that it’s your wedding day and, truly, you can have as few (or as many) wedding party members as you want. 

![INLINE EileenKPhotography 1080x720 Tiffany&Paul](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/3EzQxrEfaZto3KrpqM9yh3/ef73ac3e3932bc5fd3b79c4df3e288c5/INLINE_EileenKPhotography_1080x720_Tiffany_Paul.jpg)
*Photo Credit* // Eileen K Photography

## How do I choose who to include and who to cut?
Cutting down a wedding party isn’t exactly a task for the faint of heart. If you had a tough time with your overall guest list, this can feel even harder. The good news is that the process doesn’t have to be torturous or even that difficult. Here are some tactful tips for how to cut down your wedding party—and feel good about it.

### Give yourself time to decide.
Although you’re probably eager to ask your friends and family members to be part of your wedding party, there’s no reason to rush your decision. It’s an important one that will play into almost every other facet of your wedding planning and, of course, your big day. Who you choose to surround yourself with throughout your wedding experience will be instrumental in ensuring that things run smoothly and up to your expectations. 

Before popping the question, be sure to give yourself at least a couple weeks to consider who you truly want to be a wedding party member—and how many members you want in total. At first, you might think that an assembly line of friends and family members decked out in matching bridal attire will suit you, but as you make other wedding-day decisions such as your venue and overall headcount, your tune might change.

Ideally, you want to ask people to be in your wedding party [at least 8 months ahead of the wedding](https://www.zola.com/wedding-planning/checklist). So, you may not have a ton of time, but if you have a year to plan, you definitely can take a few weeks.

### Save room for siblings.
Keep siblings on top of the priority list. It’s a no-brainer to include your siblings in your wedding party if you’re close to them. That’s pretty standard. 

When it comes to future in-laws, it’s not always definite or necessary to include them in your wedding party. Depending on your relationship with your partner’s siblings, it’s up to you. Avoid any unnecessary drama or hurt feelings and be upfront with these siblings if you don’t want to include them. We also recommend assigning them another role if they’re interested (more on this later).

### Consider who will be genuinely helpful. 
It’s an honor to be asked to be a member of someone’s wedding party. Along with this honor comes a hefty dose of responsibility. When considering who to ask, question whether or not they’ll be truly helpful. Any friend or family member who you imagine being selfish and potentially even difficult when it comes to certain events such as the bachelorette party, the wedding shower, and beyond, cut them right out. It’s not worth your time, energy, and money to honor them with a title they can’t live up to. 

![INLINE LauraAnneWatson 1080x720 Mia&Marvin](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/4RyB2MJvARLWikB8cjEvIH/5af8cd41b732ea3dc737f92ec42f6ad7/INLINE_LauraAnneWatson_1080x720_Mia_Marvin.jpg)
*Photo Credit* // Laura Anne Watson

### Set expectations upfront—and ask if they want to be involved.
Some friends and family members whom you ask might not actually want the role and responsibilities involved. That’s why it can sometimes be helpful to ask each member—and be honest about your expectations. For example, share the exact responsibilities you expect from them, be it attending your bachelorette party, affording certain attire to match your desired aesthetic, spending 10+ hours by your side on the day of your wedding, etc. Framing it this way—by sincerely asking whether or not they would like to take on the role of wedding party member—can surprisingly help you cut down on your list. 

### Imagine who you’ll still be close to in 20 years.
It’s hard to do, but try your best to think about the friends you’re considering asking to be a part of your wedding party. Is there any chance that you won’t be close to each and every one of them throughout the next 20+ years? If you said no, think again. As much as we hate to admit it, friends come and go. It’s the nature of relationships. When considering who to ask to be a member of your wedding party, try to limit your list to only those individuals who will very likely be a part of your life in the long-term future. This way you can limit your list and feel rest assured that you’re choosing the right people.

### Create other roles 
There are plenty of other roles you can bestow upon family and friends aside from being a part of the wedding party. Such roles include junior bridesmaids and groomsmen or ring bearer and flower girl for younger members, a candle lighter and [wedding reader](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-choose-wedding-readers) (for during the ceremony), an officiant (though be sure to choose this role wisely as well!), a seat usher, and beyond. 

At the end of the day, who you choose to stand up there with you on the altar matters. And simply inviting someone to your wedding is an honor in and of itself—they don’t have to be a member of the wedding party to feel important!


57 Unique Bachelorette Party Themes

57 Free Bridal Shower Printables to Celebrate the Bride

9 Easy Ways to Create Your Wedding Hashtag

A Guide to Bachelor Parties

Let me guess: if you’ve made it here, you’re a best man (or a best woman), and you’re nervous. First off, congrats on this special role of honor! You’re gonna do great. But if you’re freaking out about pulling off all of your [groomsmen duties](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/what-are-the-groomsmen-duties), especially having to write and deliver a best man speech on the wedding day, we understand. There is an art to the perfect best man speech. Too far in any direction, and a bad speech can negatively alter the mood of a wedding in a snap.

But before we make you even more nervous, take a cleansing breath and lower your heart rate: you’ve come to the right place. We’re here to guide through the process of writing and giving a stellar best man speech from start to finish, including a list of dos and don’ts, tips on subject matters, and a sample best man speech outline to focus your efforts. Follow our advice, and you’re sure to walk away with praise, admiration, and [an awesome groomsmen gift](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/awesome-groomsmen-gift-ideas-under-$50).

Before we get into the do's and don'ts, we'll provide you with a short list of things to include in your speech. Generally, for a great best man speech, you'll want to:

- Have an opening line that will grab the crowd's attention. This can be funny or sentimental, whatever you think works best.
- Say congratulations to the bride and groom. Acknowledge the major commitment they just made and the event that brought you all together.
- Say some nice words about the groom's new spouse. This is your friend's new life partner, say a few words about this person that highlights why they are perfect as the groom's spouse.
- Tell a funny story or joke about your groom. Keep it appropriate and relevant to the audience.
- Give a toast to the happy couple. Close out your speech with some nice words to wish the newlyweds a loving and happy marriage. 

![tricia-mccormack-photography](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/721oVoPW8ehbfFflRdBORo/8ec928fdb303a36fe8dead904388591e/tricia-mccormack-photography.jpg)

*Photo Credit || [Rick Dean Photography](https://www.zola.com/inspire/search)*

## Best Man Speech Dos and Don’ts

### DO Prepare

Goes without saying, but this is an instance where “I’ll just wing it” doesn’t work in your favor. Although you don’t need to memorize your best man speech, don’t save this one until the night before. A few thoughts jotted down on a napkin will look like you didn’t put any care or thought into your words (because, uh, you didn’t). A month or two out, but no less than a week, take some dedicated time to compose your thoughts. This will also allow you time to seek input and feedback from others (more on this below).

### DO Research and Crowdsource

The best best man speeches (with me?) are those that let the audience know a little bit more about the groom—in a good way—so try to include some funny and/or sweet stories from his childhood, adolescence, or young adulthood. Ask the groom’s parents, siblings, or other close friends for any great tidbits that you could weave into your speech for greater authenticity and dimensionality.

### DO Be a Storyteller

As mentioned above, good stories make for a good speech. Take your listeners on a little journey about your friend and how we arrived at this day: what kind of person he is (as demonstrated by X anecdote from his past), how you know each other, how he met his partner, how their relationship grew, why they are such a great match, and what you hope for their future. If you can weave in a little thematic joke or a narrative through-line, even better.

![meredith-sledge-photography](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6lie5pokA8VzPfFEM6wv3g/8c34beffb8c7d56bc99b03980b67dd27/meredith-sledge-photography.jpg)

*Photo Credit || [Meredith Sledge Photography](https://www.zola.com/inspire/search)*

### DON’T Ramble

Tell a short (short) story, not a novel. No one wants to hear you digress about something unrelated to your key message, or worse, about yourself. Remember, this isn’t your show—this moment is about the newlyweds, so resist the urge to go off on a tangent.

### DO Combine Humor With Emotion

A great speech includes a healthy mix of humor, sentimentality, good-natured ribbing, and sincerity. You want the groom, and the rest of the wedding guests, to feel both amused and touched by your words. If you’re naturally funny, include some clean jokes about the newlyweds that won’t hurt anyone’s feelings (jokes at your own expense are alway a safe bet). If you always botch the punch line, it’s perfectly fine to stick to a straightforward message of warmth and congratulations.

### DON’T Be Too Mean, Crass, or Dirty

Making people laugh is good. Making people uncomfortable is not. I know I don’t have to remind you, but offensive, off-color, or any mean-spirited joke at the expense of an individual or group  is a no-fly zone. If you stop and ask yourself, “Should I say this?,” that’s a good indication that you should just not. And if you normally swear like a sailor, watch your language and avoid profanity.

### DON’T Tell Inside Jokes

If only you and the groom (or a small handful of other people) will understand what you’re talking about, then it’s probably not good material to include in a best man speech. You don’t want to alienate your audience by making them feel like they’re not in on the inside joke. Stick to universal topics and be inclusive in your story- and joke-telling.

![alicia-lucia-photogrqaphy(1)](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/4g15zMMBXviurrBEfvckFt/53269fc5899b46fe1b13261710195d9d/alicia-lucia-photogrqaphy_1_.jpg)

*Photo Credit || [Alicia Lucia Photography](https://www.zola.com/inspire/search)*

### DO Keep It Clean(ish)

This one is obvious, right? The key here is to know your audience. Remember that you’re not just addressing the groom and groomsmen, but every single wedding guest—which might include ages 3-93. Joking about adult topics must be done subtly and in good taste. To keep things classy, be intentionally vague and keep the examples lighthearted. Don’t go into sordid detail, don’t share anything that could get anyone in trouble, don’t reveal anything truly humiliating in an embarrassing  story, and avoid bathroom humor.

### DO Address The Groom’s New Spouse

So that your entire speech doesn’t feel awkwardly lopsided, be sure to say some kind, sincere, and personal words to your best bud’s new partner for life. If you are also friends with him/her, even more reason to share an anecdote about why this person is great individually and doubly great for your friend. Remember that this special day celebrates a step they’ve taken together, so be sure to address them both.

![J.-Ferrara-Photography-Inc](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6xqqjapSIyVVxVLAkC3ojS/2bf135ba671159e3bec7e716bd80ab83/J.-Ferrara-Photography-Inc.jpg)

*Photo Credit || [J.Ferrara Photography Inc.](https://www.zola.com/inspire/search)*

### DO Borrow Language

Not all of us were born with the gift of gab. If Wordsworth you are not, there’s no shame in stealing some great lines from the masters. Look up some quotations on love, relationships, or marriage to either guide your speech’s theme or to pepper in at the beginning and end for greatest impact. Writers and essayists like MLK Jr., Pablo Neruda, Shakespeare, or any of the Romantic poets are good places to look for inspiring quotations.

### DON’T Get Tipsy

While it might be tempting to throw back a few after the “I dos” to loosen up for your moment in the spotlight, use common sense. Has consuming a bunch of alcohol in a short amount of time ever helped you be more articulate, quick on your feet, or sensitive to the passage of time? My guess is no. Wait until after your speech to take advantage of the open bar, because it will be clear to the crowd (especially the groom) if you are not in your best frame of mind.

### DO Practice Out Loud

Nowhere is the phrase “practice makes perfect” more true than in public speaking. Besides familiarizing yourself with the material, you’ll be able to hear any mistakes, awkward phrasing, or weird timing when experiencing the words out loud. Practice reading your entire speech to a partner or friend before the wedding reception, get their feedback (and have them time you so you know if you need to add or cut), and practice again until you feel solid.

![highlight-studios](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/2qagXEIf65bje16sWJQl89/b61fec2ae23406f18fd0f23c40b899e7/highlight-studios.jpg)

*Photo Credit || [Highlight Studios](https://www.zola.com/inspire/search)*

### DO Speak Clearly

If you have a bring-down-the-house kind of best man speech but no one can understand it, what good will it do? Make sure your one-liners zing and your heartfelt wishes bring tears by speaking loudly and clearly, enunciating your words, and appropriately using a microphone or any AV equipment that’s provided.

### DON’T Dwell on Your Blunders

Every public speaker misses a line or trips up their words now and then. Rather than drawing attention to an error by apologizing profusely or joking about how bad a speech-giver you are, simply make a quick correction or skip over it and move on. Dwell any further, and your audience will get uncomfortable or lose confidence in you.

### DON’T Just Read, Engage

While you certainly don’t need to memorize your speech, it’s public speaking 101 that just reading a piece of paper (or your phone) out loud without acknowledging the crowd is a no-no. Know your speech well enough so that you don’t have to look at it word-for-word. Take time to look around, make eye contact (especially when you’re addressing the happy couple), and pause for laughter or applause.
![tricia-mccormack-photography](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/3PRbC97AzeoPURzlvNiO9I/904cbec3e3cdaddc6d3047304d420ebc/tricia-mccormack-photography.jpg)

*Photo Credit || [Tricia McCormack Photography](https://www.zola.com/inspire/search)*

### DON’T Rush

Being nervous is totally normal—but if your nerves are too apparent, they can distract your audience or put them on edge. A clear sign of being nervous is racing through your speech like you’re competing for a NASCAR trophy. Take deep breaths, use the above tips about audience engagement, and speak nice and slowly. We promise, it’ll be over before you know it.

### DON’T Go Long

That being said, don’t be longwinded or hog too much of the wedding reception’s precious timeline, or your audience will start wondering when they can get on the dance floor rather than pay attention to your eloquence. Stick to whatever time frame the couple recommended, or if you’re on your own, aim for 2-5 minutes.

### DO End On a Sweet Note

No matter what else you say or do, end your best man speech with positivity. Giving a few words of congratulations on the marriage, happy wishes for the bride and groom's future together, and a general toast in the groom and his partner’s direction are customary (for a reason) and always well-received.

![allison-kuhn-photography](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/4mSfJZPgv3UkrQftvzddmL/cf9951de7fcb49a219ccf400f9cf9c06/allison-kuhn-photography.jpg)

*Photo Credit || [Allison Kuhn Photography](https://www.zola.com/inspire/search)*

### Best Man Speech Topics to Avoid

There are really never any circumstances under which the following topics are a good idea to bring up in a best man speech. Don’t touch these subject matters with a 10-foot pole:

1.   Exes or previous marriages.
2.   General negativity about marriage.
3.   Illegal activity.
4.   Pornography or strip clubs. Just don’t.
5.   X-rated stuff.
6.   Sex, drugs, drinking, gambling…use your judgment.
7.   Bathroom stuff.
8.   Your own drama.

![luma-weddings(1)](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/4eh4DFZF1BVvRHunTeI740/9ce64bd3f171669e1792ee6680f2359e/luma-weddings_1_.jpg)

*Photo Credit || [Luma Weddings](https://www.zola.com/inspire/search)*

### Template for the Perfect Best Man Speech

Follow this general outline, and you’ll slay on the big day.

1. Salutation/introduce yourself
2. Thank the hosts for the great party
3. Funny, attention-grabbing opening line
4. Great anecdote(s) about the groom (best if it supports #3)
5. Reasons why the groom is great (as exemplified in #4)
6. Why the groom’s partner is great/a great match
7. Great anecdote about them as a couple (best if it supports #6)
8. Congratulations/beautiful quotation/sweet wishes
9. Toast to the happy couple’s future

![sera-petras-photography](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/2QzE6oIY6e3QRcsIthnJia/a81afe4dfa7640a77a1808d4f4c158c8/sera-petras-photography.jpg)

*Photo Credit || [Sera Petras Photography](https://www.zola.com/inspire/search)*

bride and groom kissing with guests cheering and holding sparklers

Dos and Don'ts for Wedding Guests

Bridal Shower Gifts & Group Gift Ideas

Do I Have to Buy a Wedding Shower Gift and a Wedding Gift?

Everything You Need to Know About Group Gifting

bride and groom laughing as best man gives speech at a wedding reception

How To Give A Great Wedding Toast

The Groomsmen Duties: A Full Breakdown

 Can You Have Two Maids of Honor?

It’s exciting to be by the bride or groom’s side as part of a wedding party—it’s also expensive. Being in a [wedding party](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/topic/wedding-party) can cost, on average, anywhere between $1,200 to $1,800. This amount typically includes engagement and shower gifts, expenses for bachelor and bachelorette parties, your wedding outfit (if you’re a bridesmaid, hair and makeup alone can cost a few hundred dollars), and gifts for the couple. For destination weddings, things can add up even faster.

When you’re not on the same page about spending, it can cause tension and resentment throughout a wedding party. You need to be able to talk about how much you can and cannot afford upfront. We know, easier said than done. Don’t go into personal debt because you didn’t speak up. Here’s how to talk about money when you’re in a wedding party. 
 
## Know what you're signing up for.
We need to get this out of the way: If you say yes to being in a wedding party, you’re agreeing to the responsibilities that come along with the job (within reason, of course). If you’re the [maid of honor](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/checklist-maid-of-honor-duties) or [best man](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/what-are-the-best-man-duties), there are additional duties you should be aware of, like planning pre-wedding activities and attending all related parties. 

If you’re not sure you can financially swing it all, sit down with the bride or groom and clarify what’s expected of you from the beginning. Get a sense of what’s in store: are they planning a [destination wedding](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/cut-destination-wedding-costs)? Keeping things on a [tight budget](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-plan-a-wedding-on-a-budget)? Once you have a clearer picture of what they’re anticipating their wedding party to spend, you can then see what’s possible for you personally. 

![INLINE JannetteDeLlanosPhotography 1080x720 Sofia&Mike](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6TiU1elOiGhkZUXOKJcRM7/2abb0fce71b37ccb95de9094c2d388fd/INLINE_JannetteDeLlanosPhotography_1080x720_Sofia_Mike.jpg)
*Photo Credit* // Janette De Llanos Photography

## Be honest and upfront.
After you have a sense of what expenses you’ll need to cover, be honest about your financial situation. You don’t want anyone to assume you’re OK with something when you’re not, and you also don’t want to promise something you can’t afford, either. 

If the maid of honor or best man is in charge of the wedding party activities, let them know where you stand—in person, if possible. Don’t be afraid to be specific about what you can afford. If you’re saving up for a house, [destination bachelor parties](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/bachelor-party-ideas) may be off the table for you, for example. Likewise, if you’ve recently been laid off, maybe even smaller-scale costs, like professional wedding hair and makeup, are out of your current budget. 

You also don’t need to be experiencing a massive life change to talk about your money situation. People are in varying financial situations—that can be enough of a reason. You still have to speak up, though. 

Most money tension comes when people aren’t on the same page about expectations. Nip potential bad feelings and awkward situations in the bud by being clear—with everyone—about what you are comfortable spending as soon as possible. 

## Offer affordable solutions.
OK, here’s what you can’t do: raise a problem without raising a solution. It’s easy to say “this is too expensive”—most things are. Come prepared for any specific financial conversations with something to say besides “I can’t afford this.”

For example, if an [NYC bachelorette getaway](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/bachelorette-party-themes) is on the table and you can’t really swing it, suggest a cabin excursion in a more local area. It’s still a trip, but on a more affordable scale. If everyone would be saving big, explain other ways to use a little of that extra money to make the weekend feel more personal and special for the bride. Use the money you would’ve spent on $15 cocktails in the city and stretch it further with all the brides’s favorite foods plus monogrammed decor.

There are also ways to cut down on your own costs even if other members of the wedding party want to partake in something more expensive. If your mom is great at sewing, for example, ask her to alter your dress or suit instead of having it done by a bridal store. You can also save by splitting a hotel room with another member of the wedding party, or going in on gifts with others. 

![INLINE JeffreyLynnMediaPhotography 1080x720 Jasmine&Marcellus](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/J6T3Ib47or1ysEhJiNu1n/531e1b0de6b9f25f53ea2daa9eb92667/INLINE_JeffreyLynnMediaPhotography_1080x720_Jasmine_Marcellus.jpg)
*Photo Credit* // Jeffrey Lynn Media Photography

## Don't trash talk the bride or groom.
If you’re not happy with how a situation is playing out, or are spending more than you expected, you may be inclined to rant about the piling costs. Don’t do that. Talking negatively about anyone in the party, and especially about the bride or groom, only furthers tensions—and frankly, makes you look bad.

Address your concerns directly with the bride or groom as soon as possible (or the person in charge of organizing pre-wedding activities). Explain that your financial situation makes you unable to do certain things, like attend an out-of-town bridal shower or buy an expensive dress. Anyone will appreciate honesty upfront over complaining later. The last thing anyone wants to do is [add stress or drama](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/resolve-wedding-party-disagreements) to a joyful time. 

## It's OK to say no. 
Too often we forget that we’re being asked—not told—to be in a wedding party. So, we have the ability to say “no.” If your current financial situation simply does not allow you to cover the costs that come with the job, it may be in your best interest to politely decline the offer. 

As with any hard conversation, delivery is key. Tell the bride or groom that you’re honored they asked you to be in their wedding party, but you can’t afford the associated costs at this time. This is best said in person, as rejecting a wedding party offer over text or email can come across as impersonal or can be misconstrued. 

Make it clear that just because your finances prevent you from being part of the wedding party, it doesn’t mean you don’t want to celebrate their big day. In other words, let a bride-to-be know you still plan on attending her nuptials. 

As a consolation, you can always take the bride or groom out for a celebratory meal or have them over for an intimate dinner. The important thing is that you don’t let money prevent you from supporting your loved one, and you honor their big day in a way that’s manageable for you. 

47 Bachelor Party Ideas for Every Groom

How to Talk Money When You're in a Wedding Party

In a perfect world, you’d be able to have all of your friends standing next to you as you say your “[I do’s.](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-write-wedding-vows)” But wedding parties can only be so large—and, in many cases, that means some friends won’t make it into your final count. It’s a tricky situation that sometimes leads to hurt feelings. There are right ways to break the news, though, and definitely some wrong ways to break the news. Keep your friendships—and your sanity—intact. Here’s how to tell friends that they aren’t in your wedding party.

## How To Do It
There’s no way around it—telling your friends that they aren’t in your wedding party can be an uncomfortable conversation. It’s also a necessary one. Ideally, you should tell anyone sooner rather than later. Don’t postpone the conversation because you’re nervous about it.

How you manage the “you’re not in the wedding” conversation is going to depend, in large part, on who you’re talking to. Here are some classic scenarios.

![INLINE RegetisPhotography 1080x720 Michelle&Brian](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/5fgSPcTVsBbJCooJLA5lQb/2567a2bb0754397f66fe1f421ac5533e/INLINE_RegetisPhotography_1080x720_Michelle_Brian.jpg)
*Photo Credit* // Regetis Photography

### The Old Friend
Many people have an old friend that played a significant role in a certain time period of their life—like a childhood best friend you keep close to via social media or the freshman roommate who was an indispensable part of your college experience. Those old friends don’t play as big of a role in their current lives, though—and, as such, it doesn’t really make sense to ask them to be in the wedding party.

There’s a huge value in maintaining friendships with people who knew you way back then. So, the key to talking to old friends is making sure they know how much you appreciate them and your shared memories. 

__What to Say:__ *“We share so many of my favorite memories, and I’m so grateful you’re going to be there to share in this with me, too.”* Then, tell them while there isn’t room in the wedding party, you’d love to involve them in the wedding in a way that honors your shared history—like having them help put together a collage of old pictures or [giving a toast](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-give-a-great-wedding-toast) (with plenty of fun stories!) at your [engagement party](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-plan-an-engagement-party).

### The Friend Who Assumes They’re In The Wedding Party
If you have a close friend, they might assume that they’ll be in your wedding party. If you’re keeping your wedding party small, though, that might not be the case.

If you have a friend who’s hinted they think they’re in the wedding party—or just assumed [bridesmaid or groomsman duties](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/what-are-the-bridesmaid-duties) as soon as you got engaged—it’s important to clear up the misunderstanding quickly. 

__What to Say:__ *“You know how close we are, and I would love to have you stand with me at the wedding—but the truth is, we’re keeping the wedding party really small. I’m so happy you’ll be there to celebrate with me.”* Then, tell them you’d love to have them involved in the process. Give her a job that will make them feel included on your big day (like acting as an usher or manning the gift table).

### The Dramatic Friend
Of all the friends to tell they aren’t in the wedding party, the dramatic friend just might be the trickiest. If you have a friend who’s prone to drama, gossip, or a bad attitude (we have them, we love them), you’re going to want to be direct and short with the conversation. If she brings up being in the wedding party, get straight to the point.

__What to Say:__ *“I really appreciate you wanting to be involved in the process, but we actually have the wedding party taken care of.”* Then, move on. The less room you leave for drama, the less opportunity your dramatic friend has to make the situation all about them. In this case, you may anticipate a bit of backlash. If it resorts to more conversations beyond your control, remember exactly that: It’s out of your control. You have a wedding to plan.

### The Friend That Had You In Their Wedding Party
If your friend asked you to be in their wedding party, they might expect you to do the same. But that’s not always the case—and it certainly doesn’t have to be.

If your friend asked you to be in their wedding party but you aren’t planning on asking them to be in yours, it’s important to approach the subject with some sensitivity. Remember—you stood by them at their wedding, so the fact that they won’t be able to do the same for you might sting a little bit.

__What to Say:__ *“I’m so grateful I was able to be in your wedding and I’m so happy you’ll be at mine. We’re just keeping the wedding party pretty small.”* Offer them another role in the wedding if you’re close. After throwing a wedding themselves, though, they may be grateful to sit back and relax for yours.

### The Last Friend Standing
If you have a large circle of friends, there might be one person you’re just not as close to. Asking everyone else in your circle to be in the wedding party may leave the “last friend standing” feeling left out. If you’re just not super close with this person, chances are, they realize that too—and it’s fine to acknowledge it. 

__What to Say:__ *“I know a lot of our friends are in my wedding party, but I feel like we haven’t had much of an opportunity to connect one-on-one—but I’d love to change that!”* This not only clears up any confusion over the wedding party but can also pave the way to deepen your friendship.

![INLINE Unsplash 1080x720](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/1R4vNhU81u3K134IslkjFC/1d5255114ef623cae527b46b7f60e45b/INLINE_Unsplash_1080x720.jpg)
*Photo Credit* // Unsplash

## What to Do When the Conversation Goes South
No matter how much you prepare for telling friends they aren’t in your wedding party, some conversations may not go as planned—and could end in an argument, tears, or hurt feelings.

If one of your talks doesn’t go as planned, here are some tips for damage control:

- __Give your friend some time and space.__ If your friend doesn’t take the news well, give them (and yourself) space to cool off. Once you have some time apart, reapproach the conversation from a more grounded and less emotional place.
- __Listen.__ Chances are, your friend is feeling hurt and just wants to share why they’re upset. So give them the opportunity to do so. Listen to what they have to say, let them vent. Once they get everything out, let them know how much you care about them and appreciate them.
- __Be willing to walk away.__ If your friend really makes a huge deal over not being in your wedding party—and says mean, hurtful, or vindictive things as a result—they’re not really a friend. This is especially true if they try to rope people who are in your wedding party into the drama. Be willing to walk away from toxic relationships.

You might be dreading telling a friend they’re not in the wedding party—but now that you know how to manage the conversation, the best thing you can do is rip the Band-Aid. Get the conversation out of the way so you can get back to enjoying the wedding planning process.

bride in white silk robe laughing with bridesmaids in mint green bride tribe tank tops

A Guide to Bachelorette Parties

couple celebrates wedding with wedding party

How to Tell Friends They Aren't In the Wedding Party

There are few things as heartwarming as being selected as a maid of honor. Whether it’s your sister, college roommate or childhood BFF, you’ve clearly made a positive impact on their life and there’s no one they’d rather have by their side on their big day. Let’s be honest, though: If you’re a first-time maid of honor, you probably have no idea what you’re doing. It’s a lot of fun, but also a lot of pressure.

In addition to [familiarizing yourself with the role and the usual expectations](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/checklist-maid-of-honor-duties) that come along with it, every maid of honor could use some guidance on what to expect. Whether you’re nervous, excited, or a little bit of both, here’s how to handle almost every situation as a first-time maid of honor.

![INLINE RosieNaryPhotography 1080x720 Erin&Tim](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/hgtnNMPRPwwNBLS0PTNJQ/639800b7dc64e07e9115da2dbe94b476/INLINE_RosieNaryPhotography_1080x720_Erin_Tim.jpg)
*Photo Credit* // Rosie Nary Photography

## Discuss expectations in advance.
Being forward about expectations, hesitations, and feelings always helps [prevent disaster](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/resolve-wedding-party-disagreements).

Every bride is different, and while some might expect you to take over a huge chunk of the planning process, others might want you to be totally hands-off and simply be their stand-in therapist during the actual wedding.

“Be upfront with your [friend] about what she actually wants and prioritize your role from there,” says Megan Clark, owner of [Clutch Events](http://www.clutchevents.com/). This includes being clear about expectations for the wedding day as well. Are you going to be responsible for greeting guests as they arrive? Keeping an emergency kit in your bag? Giving a lengthy speech? 

Going over checklists and timelines as a team will not only help reduce overwhelm but will make sure the actual day runs like butter.

## Ask how you can help.
This might be an obvious one, but almost every bride gets overwhelmed at some point in the planning process. Even if she doesn’t outwardly show it, there are likely multiple tasks she would happily delegate to someone she trusts. Has she been venting about how hard it is to find a good makeup artist or stressing over DJ costs? Keep your ears open and be ready to jump in wherever she needs you—even if it’s just to offer support.

## Be honest.
In the end, you’re one of the people she cares about most in this world. She appointed you as her maid of honor not only because she loves and respects you, but because she values your opinion. 

There are likely to be many moments throughout the planning process when your bride is going to need someone to bounce ideas off of, and you’re probably going to be one of the first people she calls. Be prepared to give thoughtful feedback and help her work through some of the obstacles that come with planning one of the biggest events of her life.

That said, there is such a thing as being too honest. When it comes down to it, you know the bride best, so make sure you’re helping her shape the day of her dreams, even if it’s not necessarily your style.

## Make sure every decision takes the bride into account...
It’s easy to get carried away in the planning process (after all, it is exciting) and forget to ask for the bride’s opinion. What may seem like something small to you may be a big deal to her. As with knowing her expectations, make sure you know where she wants to give an opinion (i.e. the bachelorette destination or the size of the bridal shower) and where she would prefer to be more hands-off.

“For example, maybe it’s more important to the bride to have everyone in the bridal party included in the bachelorette party as opposed to making it a destination event,” says Clark. “I think there is so much pressure put on bridal parties to go all out for the bachelorette party, but that also [makes it financially hard](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/talk-money-in-a-wedding-party) for a lot of people. Make sure the group is spending money where it counts and that should be based on what the bride prefers!”

## …but don’t sacrifice your own well-being.
You’re her support system, not her servant. If the bride-to-be starts transitioning to a bridezilla during the planning process, it’s time to be honest. This doesn’t mean tell her she’s being an absolute nightmare, but let her know that you recognize how stressed she is and would love to help make the process more enjoyable for both of you.

Weddings can overwhelm even the most rational brides, says Clark, which is why it’s important to react calmly and gently. “I think it is really important to make sure the bride’s wishes are heard first and foremost and that they know they are a priority in the maid of honor’s life,” she says. “Then as nicely as possible, explain what you are and are not capable of based on your own life, job, and financial restraints. 

“It’s difficult not to get overwhelmed and emotional when your friend gets engaged and stops really caring about your needs, but as long as you remember it’s only temporary, that usually helps.”

![INLINE EmmaClearyPhotoAndVideo 1080x720 Jessice&Robert](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/5Hz1rwDQhWxryvbjEhsppE/4ffb405df1feed09735d2e83ff87f62c/INLINE_EmmaClearyPhotoAndVideo_1080x720_Jessice_Robert.jpg)
*Photo Credit* // Emma Cleary Photo and Video

## Make sure to practice your speech.
According to Clark, one of the most common mistakes she witnesses from maid of honors is [not preparing for their speeches](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/give-wedding-speech-hate-public-speaking).

“Write it down and read it to at least two people for feedback,” she says. “And remember, it’s a toast, not a roast! Humor is appreciated, but not if it makes you or the bride look bad.”

*Clark’s pro tip: Keep it under five minutes.* In this amount of time, she says, you should be able to get across who you are, your history with the bride, several great attributes or stories, and how happy she is now that the groom is in her life.

## Don’t be afraid to ask for advice.
There are plenty of people out there who want to help (like us!) and have not only done this before but have likely been in your exact shoes. No one likes to feel like they’re in the dark, and weddings can be a lot for everyone involved. 

Many people are not only willing to provide tidbits of advice but are also open to sharing what mistakes they made and what they would’ve done differently. Most importantly, remember: No one is perfect, so don’t expect yourself to be either.

How to Give a Wedding Speech If You Hate Public Speaking

indian groom celebrates with wedding guests

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Bride's Crew

So, You're a First-Time Maid of Honor

You whittled down your social circle into the [perfect wedding party](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/build-the-perfect-wedding-party) and now it’s time to decide what everyone’s going to wear. While it’s not necessary for the wedding party to wear matching outfits, many couples like to achieve a cohesive look. Traditionally, bridesmaids wear the same dress or outfit. This helps the bride stand out, makes for cohesive photos, and also helps other wedding guests identify the members of the wedding party. However, many couples are loosening the reins and even letting [bridesmaids choose their own dresses](https://www.zola.com/shop/category/wedding-shop). There are a few benefits to this—and, of course, a few downsides. Here’s everything you need to know to achieve the look you want.

## Why would I let my bridesmaids choose their own dresses?
We get it: It’s your wedding and it can feel easier to maintain control and just put your girls in the same dress. There are some pluses to giving your bridesmaids this freedom, though.
- __Comfort.__ Anyone who’s ever been a bridesmaid (or dress shopped for that matter) understands that being assigned a specific dress isn’t ideal. What works for one body doesn’t necessarily work for another and the potential resulting discomfort of a unified bridal party look can leave your bridesmaids feeling meh. If they can choose their own dresses, they can seek out styles and cuts that flatter their figures.
- __Confidence.__ In that same vein, when you look good, you feel good. Let your bridesmaids choose dresses they love (or at least feel comfortable in) and they’ll radiate confidence, not discomfort on your wedding day.
- __Price.__ Money is often one of the biggest pain points for bridal parties. It’s [expensive to be a bridesmaid](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/what-are-the-bridesmaid-duties)! You don’t have to worry about settling on a price point that fits into everyone’s budget (or feeling guilty for choosing expensive dresses) if you let your bridesmaids choose their own dresses.

## Couldn’t this go a little off the rails?
Definitely. Offering your bridesmaids free rein to choose their outfits for your wedding is nerve-wracking. You don’t want to end up with an entirely mismatched situation (unless you do!). There are some cons to letting your bridesmaids choose their own dresses.
- __Cohesion.__ Obviously, if you let your bridesmaids choose their own dresses they won’t, well, wear the same dress. If you really want a traditionally cohesive look, maybe reconsider this route.
- __Confusion.__ Too much of anything isn’t great—the same is true for bridal party freedom. Without any guidelines at all, you may find yourself answering a lot of texts about what’s OK and what’s not—from materials to color to price to length and more. 

![INLINE LillianPrincePhotography 1080x720 Rachel&Joey](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/5wgjnBwa6y8d1pQ3sCu2fK/ca6298e1adead6059563ac701c738057/INLINE_LillianPrincePhotography_1080x720_Rachel_Joey.jpg)
*Photo Credit* // Lillian Prince Photography

## Guidelines for Letting Bridesmaids Choose Their Own Dresses
Make the dress hunt easy for your bridesmaids and yourself by being clear about what you really do and don’t want.

### Do: Be specific. 
Sure, you told your girls you wanted everyone in seafoam green. Great! No, not great. When we say be specific, we mean be specific. If you have a look in mind, be clear about that. Here are some details you may want to be extra clear about:
- __Dress color.__ If you have a dress color in mind, that’s great. However, what looks mauve to one person may be more pale violet to another. Picking a single color can make it difficult for bridesmaids to find dresses in the exact same shade from different vendors. Consider putting together a color palette of 3-4 complementary colors for your bridesmaids to choose from. or offer up a few vendors you’d like for them to order from. 
- __Length.__ Some brides don’t mind a variety of hemlines—floor-length, knee-length, mini, midi, etc. If you want all of your bridesmaids in the same length dress, let them know. Alternatively, if you really don’t mind different lengths, let them know that, too.
- __Material.__ Satin, chiffon, charmeuse, taffeta—the world of dress materials is vast. If all of your bridesmaids are wearing the same exact color, dresses in different materials can be a nice way to add some dimension to the look. However, too many materials can also be a bit distracting. If you don’t want anyone in a jersey knit, make that clear. 
- __Style.__ By this, we mean the level of formality. If you’re having a black-tie wedding, you may not want your bridesmaids in semi-formal dresses. Be sure to outline the dress code clearly.

Clarity is key. Before you tell your bridesmaids they can choose their own dresses, come prepared with your own suggestions and requirements.

### Do: Make it a group activity.
Why not make a day out of dress shopping? Go to brunch and then hit the stores. Keep it simple and have a couple of boutiques picked out for the shopping expedition. Note: This may involve making appointments ahead of time. This way your bridesmaids can choose a variety of dresses and you can be there in person to share immediate impressions. Not only is this just a fun wedding party activity, but it also helps busier bridesmaids find time to shop and nudges along any that err on the side of procrastination.

If your bridesmaids don’t live in the same area or can’t make the shopping day, that’s OK. Consider scheduling a Facetime with them as they shop. You can also create a dedicated group chat (if you haven’t already) to dress shopping.

### Do: A final check-in.
There are the hair and makeup trials, the catering and cake tastings, and, of course, the bridesmaid dress check-in. It’s always a good idea to get on the same page before anything is finalized. Make sure your bridesmaids run their final dress choices by you before they purchase. This way you can see if it fits into your ultimate vision or theme—and you eliminate any surprises and last-minute stress.

Give your bridesmaids an absolute deadline for their final dress check-in. It sounds like a bridezilla move, but, trust us, it benefits them, too. You want everyone to have ample time to either find a new dress or get any necessary alterations. We recommend scheduling your check-in for about seven months ahead of the wedding.

![INLINE Inspiration&DesignPhotographu 1080x720 Ceasarine&Anthony](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/2gepCIYZTnhPPwwuKepfXB/192af47e4168cd1f802b39010bde1c07/INLINE_Inspiration_DesignPhotographu_1080x720_Ceasarine_Anthony.jpg)
*Photo Credit* // Inspiration Design Photography

### Don’t: Forget about cost.
We like the idea that letting your bridesmaids choose their own dresses may remove some of the financial strain. We also like the idea of a bride providing a shortlist (3-5) of dress vendors for the bridal party to choose from. If you go this route, considering selecting some options you love in a variety of price ranges. Be considerate of your party’s financial situations—and be open to discussing it with any bridesmaid who may be in a tough spot. 

### Don’t: Disregard shoes and accessories.
Bridesmaid attire doesn’t end with the dress. Accessories are everything, especially if you’re going for a mismatched bridesmaid dress look. Choosing a pair of shoes or a specific shoe style and color is an easy way to bring cohesion to your bridal party. If you don’t have a shoe in mind, be sure to be clear about style. This way you avoid one girl in heels and another in flats. (If one of your bridesmaids needs to wear flats for a personal reason, though, we recommend hearing her out on that, of course.) Alternatively, you may want your bridal party in flats or sneakers. Again, just make sure you’re aligned.

Similarly, let your bridesmaids know what jewelry you do or don’t want them to wear. Traditionally, brides will purchase and then gift the jewelry they want their bridesmaids to wear. If you want to let them choose their own, that’s cool, too. Be sure, as always, to be clear about style.

### Don’t: Get complicated.
Above all, letting your bridesmaids choose their own dresses shouldn’t be too complicated or stressful. In fact, it should potentially make things a little easier for you. These girls are your bridesmaids for a reason and they want to make your special day go smoothly. Trust that they’ve got this under control and really, truly, let them take the reins on this one. (Don’t forget to [thank them for their hard work](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/top-10-ways-to-thank-your-bridesmaids) in the planning process, either.)

Who knows, they might even pick a dress they like so much, they’ll wear it again. Isn’t that the best-case scenario for any bridesmaid dress?


a bridal shower card labeled "soon to be mrs." on the grass next to a few pastel-colored bridal shower cookies

A Guide to Bridal Showers

If you’ve having a traditional wedding party, including a group of the groom’s closest friends and relatives that will stand by him and serve as groomsmen, then you might be wondering what exactly this fraternal posse does. It’s generally understood that the groomsmen are there to help out the groom, bride, and/or wedding hosts before, during, and after the wedding—but what are the groomsmen duties, specifically?  

## Pre-Wedding Groomsmen Duties
There are five main duties that are typically handled by the groomsmen in the months and weeks leading up to the wedding:

### 1. The Bachelor Party

The groomsmen work with the best man to plan all aspects of the bachelor party. While the groom may have already spoken up about where he’d like the party to be held, it’s up to the groomsmen to figure out accommodations, activities, and transportation, as well as divvying up the costs between each groomsman so the groom’s expenses are covered.

### 2. A Wedding Gift

It is customary for the groomsmen to offer a gift to the groom, usually given at the bachelor party. We suggest all the groomsmen pitch in to get him one knock-his-socks-off gift.

### 3. Groomsmen Attire

After the groomsmen’s wedding attire has been selected and communicated, it is each man’s responsibility to get fitted for a tux or suit, or if they’re wearing something more casual, to track down and purchase (with their own money) all necessary wedding day attire.

*Tuxedo Tip:* Whether all groomsmen are being fitted for suits at the same time and place or individually, it is best to have everyone’s measurements sent to the shop and/or tailor two to four months before the wedding, especially if the wedding is during peak season. This ensures that everyone receives their attire without complication or rush orders.

### 4. Wedding Weekend Logistics

The groomsmen are also in charge of booking their own travel and hotel accommodations for the wedding weekend and, whenever transportation is not already provided, figuring out how they’ll get from place to place during the wedding festivities.

### 5. Rehearsals

This one might go without saying, but all groomsmen should be at both the ceremony rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner. If someone is going to be involved in the ceremony, it’s best that they are present for the rehearsal so that all the small details are ironed out—such as where members of the wedding party will enter and exit, their order as they process, and whether they should stand or sit for the duration of the ceremony.

## Wedding Day Groomsmen Duties
Often overlooked, there are a number of ways those dashing groomsmen lend a hand to ensure the big day goes by smoothly. Factor the following groomsmen duties into your day-of plan, and rest assured knowing everything will be taken care of.

### 1. Get Ready With The Groom

The groomsmen should arrive at the venue early to help the groom get dressed and to ensure he is calm and collected in the hours leading up to “I do.” They should do whatever they can to make sure he is feeling great before he walks down the aisle. Also, make sure the groom is hydrated and that he eats something. 

*Note:* The groomsmen may also be responsible for driving the groom to the ceremony location, but find out from the planner or groom himself what transportation plans are for the wedding day. 

### 2. Be The Groom’s Go-to

Overall, on the day of the wedding, each groomsman is responsible for assisting the best man and groom leading up to the ceremony, while also being a point of contact for guests and vendors. Here are some great ways to get the groomsmen involved in the day’s proceedings:
  - Have groomsmen ensure that the couple, members of the wedding party, and important family members have corsages, bouquets, and/or boutonnieres prior to the ceremony.
  - Have groomsmen familiarize themselves with the venue in order to help guests. For example, groomsmen should be able to direct incoming guests to parking, restrooms, handicap accesses, exits, and if applicable, the bar or refreshments station.
  - Place a few groomsmen near a place you’ve designate for wedding gifts, and ask them to assist guests with carrying gifts and depositing them in the right spot.

### 3. Greet and Escorting at The Wedding

Traditionally, groomsmen act as ushers to help guide guests to their seats before the ceremony. They also hand out ceremony programs, if applicable.

### 4. Participate in The Ceremony

Groomsmen should be in place and ready to go in the right place, at the right time, for the ceremony. (Since they attended the rehearsal, this should be easy.) No one wants to have a delayed start due to missing or chit-chatting groomsmen. Be quiet, attentive, and follow all cues provided by the planner or officiant. Stand or sit where you’re supposed to, pay attention, and perform any other duties during the service that have been arranged. Process out of the ceremony according to the rehearsed plan. 

### 5. Pose for Photos

If the wedding party didn’t pose for photographs with the happy couple before the ceremony, typically these group photos occur right after the ceremony at the beginning of the cocktail hour. Groomsmen should stay alert, be ready to follow the photographer’s directions, and smile on cue. Don’t be the guy making twelve other people wait around while you’re in line for the bar.

### 6. Be Great Guests

During the cocktail hour and reception, groomsmen should be model wedding guests: they should mingle and chat with other guests, enjoy the food and drinks offered, sit down at their dinner table when asked, participate in guest-related activities like signing the guestbook or visiting the photo booth, listen to and applaud any speeches, witness the special dances, and boogie down (tastefully) when it’s dance floor time.

### 7. Maintain a Stress-free Send-Off

After leaving your amazing wedding, the last thing you want is to be worrying about whether everything is taken care when the festivities end. This is where the groomsmen come in:
  - Car, limo, or horse-drawn carriage: in whatever mode of transportation you leave your reception, the groomsmen are traditionally in charge of decorating it. Lewd paraphernalia need not apply, however.
  - If you’re leaving for a honeymoon directly after the reception, designate the best man or a few groomsmen to ready the luggage so you and your new spouse can hit the road right away.
  - Have groomsmen transport all the wedding gifts to an appropriate   place so you don’t have to worry about leaving any precious cargo behind.


wedding gifts from a Zola registry including copper Kitchen Aid stand mixer, Le Creuset turquoise ramekins, and a copper Vitamix blender

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green invitation suite laying on beige table.

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Zola online wedding planning tools as seen on mobile, desktop, and tablet

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wedding cake prices and wedding cake costs

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wedding guests laughing with bride at wedding receptions

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The Bridesmaid Duties: A Full Breakdown

formal portrait of wedding party. Bride and bride maids with bouquet are sitting on stair in the front , Groom and groom men are standing at the back

Bridal Party vs. Wedding Party: What's the Difference? 

Groom's Crew

As the mother of the bride, you have plenty of [to-do’s to check off your list](https://www.zola.com/wedding-planning/checklist) in the days, weeks, and months leading up to the wedding—from taking your daughter wedding dress shopping to participating in the ceremony to generally making yourself available. 

Chances are, you want things to go off without a hitch, but you also don’t want to overstep boundaries or take on too many responsibilities. With that in mind, we’ve compiled all the necessary mother of the bride duties you should plan on tackling (or at least offering to be involved in) before and on your daughter’s wedding day, as well as post-wedding.

## 16 Duties Every Mother of a Bride Should Know
Your wedding planning duties begin long before your daughter’s big day takes place. From the planning stages, to the day of, to after the reception has ended, read on for the fifteen mother of the bride duties you’d do well to be aware of.

## Before the Wedding Day

### 1. __Assist in looking into and scouting venues__. 
Traditionally, the mother of the bride will often help the engaged couple research, communicate with, and tour potential wedding venues. How hands-on and involved in this aspect of planning you are is entirely up to the bride and yourself. Your assistance may include tasks like asking friends and family for recommendations, looking into venues in the area of interest online, calling or emailing venues to discuss availability and quotes, and accompanying the couple on a tour of the venue.

### 2. __Serve as a point of contact for vendors__. 
Even intimately sized weddings can involve juggling a lot of communication. Because the couple is likely tackling a lot of their wedding planning to-do list, offer to help by being a point person for all vendors (plus potential vendors). Whether you’re the main point of contact or an extra point person who’s CC’d on email chains, your involvement is sure to be a great help.

### 3. __Be a supportive confidant throughout wedding gown shopping__. 
If your daughter is inviting people to go wedding dress (or suite, or otherwise) shopping, chances are you’re at the top of the list. Throughout this process—which can span multiple appointments and involve some research—you’ll want to be as supportive and helpful as possible. This part of the wedding planning process can be a pretty big deal. Offer to help by researching local bridal salons, boutiques, and trunk shows, setting up appointments, and (of course) attending. During appointments, stash your phone away (unless photos are requested), offering your most supportive opinions, and generally aid in creating a great atmosphere.

### 4. __Attend and/or plan any pre-wedding events and celebrations__. 
Long gone is outdated etiquette that states the bride’s side shouldn’t plan celebratory events. In fact, most bridal showers are now planned out by a loved one, be it a bridesmaid, maid of honor, or the mother of the bride. Once your daughter has announced her engagement, ask if she’d like you to plan any of the events that are to come. This may include an engagement party, bridal party, and rehearsal dinner. Taking on the task of planning one or more of these events isn’t a small help—it can involve research, invitations, RSVPs, setup, and making everyone feel welcome. That being said, it’s one of the more paramount and appreciated mother of the bride duties. At the very least, plan on attending these events.

![INLINE OneLovePhotography 1080x720 Fallon&Jeremy](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/2z530XSRp5lAp9OWOtnRgv/d51fe09b9582717b770d6122e16cb39e/INLINE_OneLovePhotography_1080x720_Fallon_Jeremy.jpg)
*Photo Credit* // One Love Photography

## Before The Ceremony
### 5. __Make sure the bride eats.__ 
This may seem small, but is actually incredibly important. There’s a lot of excitement (and nerves!) on the day of the wedding, from top to bottom. In the midst of all that excitement, it can be easy for the bride to [forget to eat breakfast](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-eat-on-your-wedding-day). or lunch. As the mother of the bride, it’s your responsibility to make sure your daughter eats enough to sustain her energy throughout the day. Pro tip: Arrange the food situation beforehand. This can mean going to the store in the days leading up to the wedding and collecting food to bring to the getting ready session. This can also mean offering to have food delivered to the getting ready location. In any case, make sure you have a few snacks in your bag, just in case. 

### 6. __Help the bride get dressed.__ 
Perhaps the most classic of the mother of the bride duties is helping the bride get dressed. We’ve all seen the classic images of a mother helping zip up her daughter’s wedding dress. Not only is this very helpful for the bride (wedding dresses can be hard to get into), but it’s also a great opportunity for you and your daughter to have a special moment before the ceremony begins—not to mention a great photo op. Take the moment to assist where needed, outfit-wise, but also don’t forget to offer some sweet words.

### 7. __Keep the schedule moving along and on track.__ 
There are a lot of moving parts throughout just about any wedding day. In order for the ceremony to start on time, all of those moving parts need to happen right on schedule. If you have a wedding planner or coordinator, it’s their job to keep things on track—but as the mother of the bride, you’ll also want to keep an eye on timing and make sure that everything is happening when/where/how it needs to. Get ahold of a wedding day schedule before the day of, then keep it on-hand throughout the day. Pro tip: There are plenty of digital schedule templates that make having the timeline on-hand super convenient. Look into purchasing or making one, if not copying the schedule down in your phone notes, if that makes keeping track of it easier.

### 8. __Help keep the bride cool, calm, and relaxed.__ 
As you’re likely well aware, the bride will probably be feeling a [mixture of excitement and nerves](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/wedding-makeup-after-crying) in the hours leading up to the wedding. As her mom, it’s your job to make sure she stays as positive and relaxed as possible. Keep the mood happy and light and try to solve any issues that arise without the bride even realizing it. 

## During The Ceremony

### 9. __Participate in any planned ceremony events.__ 
If there are any parts of the ceremony your daughter has asked you to be a part of (for example, walking her down the aisle, doing a ceremony reading, or participating in some sort of unity ceremony), obviously, that will fall under your day-of mother of the bride duties. At this point, you should have gone over these happenings during the wedding rehearsal.

### 10. __Sit back and enjoy.__ 
If there isn’t anything for you to do during the ceremony, your only responsibility as the mother of the bride is to sit back and enjoy (typically, in the first pew). This is a huge moment in your daughter’s life, so make sure to be present and soak up every second. If you’re in the processional and/or recessional, be prepared to step in when it’s your turn.

## Between Ceremony And Reception

### 11. __Help the bride bustle her dress or navigate any outfit changes.__ 

Depending on the complexity of the design, bustling a dress can take one or multiple people. So, if your bride’s dress needs to be bustled, make sure you’re on hand to help it get done. If you anticipate this being a responsibility of yours, request to join your daughter at her dress fitting or final alterations appointment so that you can be instructed on how to bustle the gown. And if your bride has an outfit change between the ceremony and reception, make sure you’re there to help her get changed quickly and easily (and don’t forget to stash her ceremony attire somewhere safe, preferably in a garment bag!).

### 12. __Make yourself available for photos.__ 
The wedding photographer might want to snap family photos between the ceremony and reception. Make sure you’re available to track down any necessary family members (a task that may be easier said than done) and pose with the newly married couple. 

### 13. __Greet the guests at cocktail hour.__ 
This is one of your mother of the bride etiquette responsibilities. Traditionally, the bride’s parents are considered the hosts of the wedding. While this may or may not be the case for your daughters wedding, it’s still important to carve out some time to greet guests and thank them for coming. While the newlyweds are off taking photos or changing into reception attire, you’re in-part acting as their representative (along with the other bride’s or groom’s parents). Make the rounds and briefly speak to as many loved ones as possible. If you were busy helping the bride get ready before the ceremony, the cocktail hour is a great opportunity to connect with guests.

![INLINE Kivus&Camera 1080x720 Sarah&Monty](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/13YKLp9nbSnCW9cFRIKg7J/4b773f9f6226a3896a32eedb760eccad/INLINE_Kivus_Camera_1080x720_Sarah_Monty.jpg)
*Photo Credit* // Kivus & Camera

## At The Reception

### 14. __Give a welcome speech.__
Again, the parents of the bride are typically viewed as the hosts of the wedding—and part of your mother of the bride duties as the wedding host is to [give a speech or wedding toast](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/stop-rambling-wedding-speech) at the wedding reception to welcome guests. Prepare your speech well ahead of time and ask your daughter if she’d like you to run it by her beforehand. And, no matter what, make sure it’s genuine and full of love and support.

### 15. __Get out on the dance floor.__
The newly married couple will have the first dance of the night. Once their dance is wrapped up, though, it’s traditional for the couple’s parents to take a spin on the dance floor and encourage the other guests to get up and start dancing.

## After The Reception
### 16. __Make sure everything is taken care of before you leave.__
 Chances are, you’re going to be tired by the end of the wedding. Before you head out, make sure that anything that needs to be wrapped up or taken care of (like packing up any wedding decor or tipping vendors) is all settled. Most vendors call the act of taking things down and putting them away “striking” and might have it in their contract that they take care of their share. here. That being said, take a final look or two around and assist in collect forgotten items if needed.

## Mother of the Bride FAQ
Although a list of duties is helpful, we understand that you might still have a few questions. See below a few of the most frequently asked questions for the mother of the bride.

### What does a mother of the bride wear? 
First and foremost, what anyone (or, at least, anyone in the wedding party) wears should reflect the couple’s wedding vision. Ask your daughter for some assistance on [what to wear](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/mother-of-the-bride-hairstyle-ideas), here. Briefly ask for the formality level, preferred colors or patterns, and silhouettes. Then seek out an outfit that you’re comfortable in that also fits the desired look.

### What should she gift her daughter on the day of? 
Often times, the mother of the bride will gift their daughter with something the morning of their wedding. While there are no set-in-stone gifts, here, we favor a few specific ideas. Consider presenting her with a beautifully customized hanger for her outfit or a piece of jewelry she might want to wear. You can also gift a family heirloom, which perfectly fits the qualifications of something old (as in new, borrowed, and blue).

### Should she assist with the guest list? 
This entirely depends on the bride and her significant other. If they’d prefer to compile it themselves, it won’t require your assistance. However, [if your daughter requests some help](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-handle-overbearing-parents-when-wedding-planning) with remembering family members or family friends, you can aid in creating it.

As the mother of the bride, you want to make sure your daughter’s wedding is as happy, memorable, and stress-free as possible. And now that you know the mother of the bride duties you’ll need to manage on the big day, you have everything you need to make that happen!

newlywed couple man and woman embracing and touching foreheads right after their wedding ceremony

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wedding couple at floral altar extra wedding costs

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The Mother of the Bride Duties: A Full Breakdown

Maid of honor, man of honor, bridesmaid, bridesman, honor attendant—these folks go by many names, but they really are so much more. The individual you choose to honor with this title will be your ally, confidante, sounding board, and assistant throughout wedding planning and the big event. For this reason, your maid of honor is a very special choice. But what do you do if you cannot choose just one?

## Can You Have Two Maids of Honor?
Of course you can. Having two maids (or matrons) of honor is perfectly acceptable. So if you have two great ladies to honor—go ahead! The more the merrier. Both maids of honor will still be thrilled to stand by your side on the big day, and they will likely be relieved to have each other to lean on for maid of honor duties.

Luckily, in today’s modern wedding environment, traditions are evolving. The emphasis is on personalizing your event and what works for you. If you’re having a maid of honor dilemma, relax, you have lots of options. Sit back, take a deep breath, and let’s talk with some wedding planning professionals.
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## Advice from The Pros

__Ask why you're having trouble deciding.__

The first thing you need to consider is why you are having difficulty making the decision. Sarah Ward of [Sarah Ward Events](https://www.zola.com/inspire/search) in Monterey & San Francisco, CA, shares: “Having trouble choosing just one maid of honor is more common than you’d think. I see this issue pop up for one of two reasons: One, because the bride knows that someone’s feelings are going to get hurt. Second, because she has two amazing girlfriends who are equally important in her life.”

If you are facing this dilemma, ask yourself if you are mostly worrying about external pressures. Then refocus on what is most important to you. Remember, this is one time in life in which you are allowed to be a little bit selfish.

“It only gets tricky when you start worrying about other people’s feelings,” says Christina Baxter (“CiBi”) of [CiBi Events](https://www.zola.com/inspire/search) in Washington, D.C. & Charleston, SC. “This is your time to choose that most special friend, relative, or sibling. Just because you were someone’s MoH does not require you to have her as yours.”

__Remember there are no rules.__

“There are no ‘rules’ to picking your maid of honor,” says CiBi. “It should simply be the person you want standing closest to you at the altar (second to your spouse to be of course). I tell brides to just close their eyes and think about who that person would be. The answer is usually pretty clear.”

## Options If You Just Can't Choose One Person
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If outside pressure isn’t your problem, and you are soooo lucky to have two (or three?) great friends you can’t choose between, that’s okay. Let’s continue with your options.

### Option 1: Have More Than One Maid of Honor

A lot of brides wonder whether they can have 2 maid of honors. 

“When a bride mentions to me, ‘I cannot decide between my two sisters or my friend and sister. Can I add them both?’ I tell her to write down the list of all the people in the wedding party,” says Jacqueline Vazquez of [Lifetime Events by Jacqueline](https://www.zola.com/inspire/search), based in the New York City area. “Then I ask her to think about the reasons why she would prefer having both, versus selecting one as the maid of honor and the other as a bridesmaids. When the bride responds, ‘both are equally important to me,’ I tell her that is absolutely fine.”

Jacqueline points out: “When a bride elects to have two maids of honor, she can have them share the duties, such as planning the shower, attending her dress fitting, and communicating with the wedding party.”

### Option 2: Don't Have a Wedding Party

Large wedding parties are no longer the norm: many couples opt for no wedding party at all. The benefits include less stress for you (no managing a large crowd) and your friends (who can simply enjoy themselves as guests), and less money (fewer bouquets is easier on your budget, not to mention saving your friends the expense of special attire).

This also adds to the relaxed air and simplicity many couples want for their event.

### Option 3: Don't Have a Maid of Honor

If you can easily choose a group of special ladies and/or gents, but feel uncomfortable ranking one above the rest, then don’t. You can simply have a wedding party with no maid of honor. Remove the pressure and enjoy your circle of friends.

Jacqueline also adds: “Other options I have seen range from having only flower girls or junior bridesmaids to having a wedding party which only includes a maid of honor and a best man.” CiBi shares a similar experience: “I even had one bride who had her brother as her ‘man of honor’ and the groom’s sister was the ‘best woman.’”

### Option 4: Do Away With Traditional Titles

Another fun trend is to give your wedding party completely different titles. Always wanted to be a princess? Then have “ladies in waiting.” Or how about a “bridal brigade?” Some creative brides even reverse the stereotypical, much-maligned role of bridesmaid by calling their attendants “non-bridesmaids.”

What’s important in the end is that you do what is feels right to you. Our wedding planners agree.

“The biggest day in your life should be your day. Not what your family or friends tell you it should be,” says Sarah Ward. “Announce your maid of honor decision with kindness. Make sure all of your friends know how so very important they all are to you. Whether they are standing right next to you during the ceremony or down the line, it is still a huge place of honor. “

“Also keep in mind that being a maid of honor is not only an honor but a big responsibility. You want to choose someone that you know you can count on to be there for you!” CiBi adds. “A good friend or family member should understand it is a difficult choice and support you in whatever decision you make.”

woman in yellow dress holding antique tea cup with macaroons inside

How To Plan A Bridal Shower To Remember

While bridesmaid gifts aren’t required, they certainly won’t go unappreciated. By the time your bachelorette party rolls around, your bridal squad has likely already spent a fair amount of money to be apart of your special day—from buying their bridesmaids dresses and throwing your bachelorette party to booking travel and lodging for the wedding day, they’re a vital part of helping your dream wedding come to life. Buying [bridal party gifts](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/what-is-a-wedding-party-and-do-you-need-one) is a great way to show your appreciation for all they’ve done. 

While there’s no hard and fast rule for how much you should spend on bridesmaid gifts, brides generally spend between $75–$100 on each bridesmaid. Of course, this can be adjusted depending on your personal wedding budget—even the smallest of [gifts](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/registry/gift-etiquette/wedding-gifts-from-around-the-world) will mean the world to your nearest and dearest. A little personalization never hurts, either—these <a href="#gift">printable gift tags</a> are the perfect way to add some flair to your gifts. To spark your inspiration, we’ve rounded up 70 of the best bridesmaid gift ideas to celebrate your wedding crew. 

## Cotton Floral Robe  
![bridesmaid-gift-ideas-1](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/29hDfZ2ZTo32qkZXDzuOIm/a40d8346acd2c4065e4db0dd0e2d118b/bridesmaid-gift-ideas-1.jpg) 

Create a picture-perfect moment and a lifelong gift with bridesmaid robes. This gift idea lets you and your best girls look gorgeous (and uniform) on your wedding morning, without messing up anyone’s makeup or hair.

[Buy on Zola](https://www.zola.com/shop/product/thepaisleybox_cotton_floral_robe_white), $28.99

## Prosecco Pong 
![bridesmaid-gift-ideas-2](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/44HQELU89ZLu6UGMVlJSe/662819f0c434e9483779f19777472894/bridesmaid-gift-ideas-2.jpg)

What’s prosecco pong, you might ask? It’s a drinking game with class! Gift this to your girls and it may just end up at your wedding after-party.

[Buy on Zola](https://www.zola.com/shop/product/talkingtables_prosecco_pong?ref_type=COLLECTION&ref_key=wedding-shop-new-arrivals&ref_label=Wedding%20Boutique%20New%20Arrivals), $18.99

## Monogrammed Stemless Flute
![bridesmaid-gift-ideas](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/42UtFi00xAHnm7ESWYz7mV/c87b55288cd819f6c0dc883cfb8eed2a/bridesmaid-gift-ideas-71.jpg)

Say thank you with a toast to your wedding party by gifting these stemless flute glasses. They can be personalized with each bridesmaid's initials in a cursive font.

[Buy on Zola](https://www.zola.com/shop/product/foxblossomco_monogrammed_stemless_flute), $27.98

## Iridescent Tumblers
![04-iridescent-tumblers](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/RYvbRcBEdbB38pIpsjQqG/f14e35b7a1c5e299b7be1b3b4dc6778c/04-iridescent-tumblers.jpg)

Did someone say disco? Gift your girls a disco drink™ to liven up the mood. This fun tumbler has a removable lid and plenty of groove.

[Buy on Zola](https://www.zola.com/shop/product/lsa-international-pearl-tumbler-set-of-4-1), $74.99

## Sparkling Rose Cocktail Kit 
![05-sparkling-rose-cocktail-kit](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/2dwvazLTr8mSGsvEnWyVQf/4ff98c325ff59f34a433449ed5e02765/05-sparkling-rose-cocktail-kit.jpg)

You and your wedding crew can stop and smell the roses with this elevated sparkling rosé Wine making kit, complete with everything you need to make your own sparkling rosé.  

[Buy on Zola](https://www.zola.com/shop/product/brooklynbrewshop_sparkling_rose_kit), $70

## Botanical Tote 
![bridesmaid-gift-ideas-7](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/1qkDGGjHW6I0Gia0cyFj3R/9b5949ed1e9e329017096cd2b7f1b072/bridesmaid-gift-ideas-7.jpg)

Make transporting wedding-day necessities easier on your bridesmaids with this fun and practical tote. You can customize the beautiful geometric and botanical print bag to say “bridesmaid,” “maid of honor,” and “bride” in gold foil.

[Buy on Zola](https://www.zola.com/shop/product/lillianrose_botanical_tote_maidofhonor?ref_type=CATEGORY_CHAIN&ref_key_0=wedding-gifts-favors%7CGifts%20%26%20Favors&ref_key_1=gifts-for-the-wedding-party%7CWedding%20Party%20Gifts), $28.99

## Personalized Bridesmaid Tumbler 
![bridesmaid-gift-ideas-63](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/4Iu1qV3ZLXdNuhyQT06ocS/6fbeef79a256290cfe08133a34919580/bridesmaid-gift-ideas-63.jpg)

Hydration is key to staying energized throughout the wedding day (and surviving the evening’s open bar). This Tervis tumbler lets your girls drink water in style.

[Buy on Zola ](https://www.zola.com/shop/product/tervis_bridesmaid_tumbler_lid_6.5?ref_type=SEARCH&search_term=bridesmaid%20tumbler), $16.99

## Bride’s Babe Cosmetic Bag
![08-brides-babe-cosmetic-bag](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/4mAMqX1kgsC91FKd7Pccip/dce785dbfd3202b33bf71b652856eeb4/08-brides-babe-cosmetic-bag.jpg)

What’s prettier than pink? Peach! This adorable cosmetic bag will have your bridesmaids feeling just peachy. 

[Buy on Zola](https://www.zola.com/shop/product/shiraleah_brides_babe_cosmetic_pouch), $28.99

## Floral Headdress
![bridesmaid-gift-ideas-10](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/1rE8ghPSt9aTOWwmRTWPH7/b4db3b8a672b2fa6d05e770f822965d0/bridesmaid-gift-ideas-10.jpg)

Whether you gift your bridesmaids these colorful headdresses to wear during your wedding or just for fun after, they’re sure to love the floral and fruity designs—and you’ll love the price tag. 

[Buy on Zola](https://www.zola.com/shop/product/talkingtables_cuban_floral_headdress), $18

## Chile Spiced Old Fashioned Cocktail Kit
![08-brides-babe-cosmetic-bag (1)](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6eriDh40tNdgkFixrrRa6C/a855b38a32bbbe537e6fa54871a2749d/10-chile-spiced-old-fashion-cocktail-kit.jpg)

Welcome your crew to your wedding weekend with this chile spiced old fashioned cocktail kit—just add your favorite bourbon or whiskey. 

[Buy on Zola](https://www.zola.com/shop/product/the5oclockbox_chile_spiced_old_fashioned_cocktail_kit1), $29.99

## Hangover Recovery Kit 
![bridesmaid-gift-ideas-12](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/1PD1R1losOjLdXxgQQeXQA/0f874e2ac5f3d667f3a8edcf0668b96f/bridesmaid-gift-ideas-12.jpg)

Help your bridesmaids survive your open bar with some preemptive gifting. These iridescent foiled hangover bags come in sets of four, and you can fill them up with as many water bottles, Gatorades, and Advils as you deem necessary. 

[Buy on Zola](https://www.zola.com/shop/product/gingerray_5pack_hangover_recovery_kit?ref_type=COLLECTION&ref_key=favors-we-love&ref_label=Favors%20We%20Love!), $35.96 

## Floral Bridesmaid Mug 
![bridesmaid-gift-ideas-13](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/7i7UrhfdB9t5DzCDWbPkGZ/878fceabae80b65d75967ff726c53117/bridesmaid-gift-ideas-13.jpg)

Gift your girls these floral bridesmaid mugs so you can enjoy a warm cup of coffee or tea as you get ready together the morning of! This makes for a great “getting ready” photo opp. 

[Buy on Zola](https://www.zola.com/shop/product/cotoncolors_floral_bridesmaid_mug?ref_type=CATEGORY_CHAIN&ref_key_0=wedding-gifts-favors|Gifts%20%26%20Favors), $15.99 

## Laguiole Corkscrew & Bottle Opener Set
![bridesmaid-gift-ideas-14](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/ch8gtnXnV2VhkM7yWOk3y/1edd7098e219c27a6be3bea5f154aa32/bridesmaid-gift-ideas-14.jpg)

Whether it’s wine or beer, you have everything you need with this corkscrew and bottle opener set made from stainless steel. This gift will make a great addition to any home bar, and it comes in two colors. 

[Buy on Zola](https://www.zola.com/shop/product/jeandubost_corkscrew_bottle_opener_set_ivory?ref_type=SEARCH&search_term=wine%20opener), $30.99 

## The Prosperity Box 
![bridesmaid-gift-ideas-15](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/2oXTN9ictFalaPsY30fT8s/ac6abb28bfb5e4493b0aedcbb197443b/bridesmaid-gift-ideas-15.jpg)

Send your wedding crew home with good vibes from The Urban + The Mystic. Each gift box comes with an amethyst cluster, a bottle of all-natural rosewater, palo santo, and a handmade oak keepsake box. 

[Buy on Zola](https://www.zola.com/shop/product/theurbanthemystic_the_prosperity_box_), $85

## Blue Opal Yoga Mat
![bridesmaid-gift-ideas-16](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/EpnTGyMWkwNBJvbp3AN2H/c9e721793def2448f3e4eb818fb03fc1/bridesmaid-gift-ideas-16.jpg)

Have some yogis in your life? Consider gifting this luxurious mat that’s fashion-forward, durable, and bio-renewable. 

[Buy on Zola](https://www.zola.com/shop/product/yogazeal_blue_opal_yoga_mat?ref_type=SEARCH&search_term=yoga%20mat), $78.99 <

## Hydrotherapy Waterfall Foot Spa
![16-hydrotherapy-waterfall-foot-spa](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/37dSkGBQj5F7Y8gXKsS8gc/2fec0446bcde0ce129f7dc14465d90ec/16-hydrotherapy-waterfall-foot-spa.jpg)

After dancing the night away at your wedding, give your crew the gift of relaxation with this pampering foot spa.

[Buy on Zola](https://www.zola.com/shop/product/conair_hydrotherapy_waterfall_foot_spa), $67.99

## Ellia Soothe Ultrasonic Aroma Diffuser
![bridesmaid-gift-ideas-18](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/mu9ZY7sePp1p8LzIgBmR0/be66eeec19aa09c7ca139d6f55d6329c/bridesmaid-gift-ideas-18.jpg)

This lightweight ultrasonic aroma diffuser adds delightful scents to any space. It’s also designed to take up little room so your wedding party should have no trouble transporting it home. 

[Buy on Zola](https://www.zola.com/shop/product/homedics_ellia_soothe_ultrasonic_aroma_diffuser_white), $39.99

## Ultra Comfort Bath Pillow
![18-ultra-comfort-bath-pillow](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/2nx1Q7UF3uXc7bcvAI8vVl/ee4a46c93f55d48ef75aa04876f15eef/18-ultra-comfort-bath-pillow.jpg)

Help your crew turn their bath into a [spa](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/spa-day-at-home) with a Bath Bliss bath pillow—without the spa price tag! 

[Buy on Zola](https://www.zola.com/shop/product/bathbliss_ultra_comfort_dual_chamber_bath_pillow), $10.99

## Supergoop! Glow Oil
![19-supergoop-glow-oil](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6lnlFEQWLOLEwBP0Xw58Eh/a916d337c5ecacd617f67f6178bc374c/19-supergoop-glow-oil.jpg)

Your bridesmaids can revive their skin after partying the night away with this ultra-hydrating sunscreen oil that leaves your skin glowing and nourished. 

[Buy on Zola](https://www.zola.com/shop/product/supergoop_sundefying_sunscreen_oil), $38

## Palmat Brush Cleaning Tool
![bridesmaid-gift-ideas-21](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/14TSSYLlIEC2c2sYjwlxVZ/14dab4da15b909aed0076bad2ad64027/bridesmaid-gift-ideas-21.jpg)

This affordable cleaning brush tool will let your wedding party say goodbye to dirty makeup brushes and hello to fresh, glowing skin. 

[Buy on Zola](https://www.zola.com/shop/product/sigmabeauty_palmat), $9.95 

## Essential Oil Kit
![21-essential-oil-kit](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/257OyawyokfOA1X4jS2XAk/4c25d7848c0ae1531b2c0f041d79171d/21-essential-oil-kit.jpg)

This essential oil kit is designed to boost your immune system and fight off seasonal illnesses. Complete with healing tea tree oil, eucalyptus oil and niaouli oil. 

[Buy on Zola](https://www.zola.com/shop/product/pilgrimcollection_essential_oil_kit_strength), $39.99


70 Bridesmaid Gift Ideas To Say Thank You to Your Wedding Party

If you have been asked to serve as best man, or if you’re a groom thinking about who should be your right-hand man, you’re probably wondering: what are the best man duties? In the most broad sense, the best man serves as a groom’s go-to for help throughout wedding planning and on the big day, but this supporting role involves a variety of different tasks. To ensure success in the best man department, here’s a complete list of the best man duties. 

## Pre-Wedding Best Man Duties
In the months and weeks leading up to the big day, the best man is tasked with handling a a few different tasks:

### 1. Organize and Lead Fellow Groomsmen

The best man is the lead groomsman, and, as such, should take responsibility for organizing and leading the other groomsmen. This might include serving as mediator between the groom and the groomsmen, answering questions, and helping the other guys stay on top of their [groomsmen duties](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/what-are-the-groomsmen-duties). 

### 2. Coordinate Wedding Attire Rentals or Purchases

In addition to helping the groom choose the wedding attire, the best man is tasked with making sure each groomsmen secures his attire—and accessories—by the deadline set by the groom. This includes:
- Gathering each groomsman’s measurements and sharing them with the shop or tailor.
- Communicating the groom’s wishes on attire choices (such as tie color, shoe style, etc.).
- Making sure everyone is on track to meet the rental or purchase deadline.

*__Pro Tip:__ Make sure each groomsman’s measurements are sent to the shop and/or tailor 2-4 months before the wedding. This will help ensure that everyone receives their attire without last-minute complications.*

### 3. Plan The Bachelor Party

While it’s the duty of all the groomsmen to plan an amazing [bachelor party](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/a-guide-to-bachelor-parties) for the groom, it’s the best man’s job to take the lead in coordinating the travel, accommodations, and activities. He should also divvy up costs so that the groom’s expenses are covered. Additionally, it’s the best man’s responsibility to communicate the itinerary of events with the groom and the groomsmen. 

### 4. Take Charge of Buying The Groom’s Gift

It’s tradition that the groomsmen will collectively give a gift to the groom, usually at the bachelor party. It’s up to the best man to lead the charge on choosing the gift and collecting funds from everyone. 

### 5. Serve as Groom’s Confidant

An especially important best man duty is serving as the groom’s confidant and go-to-person for emotional support. Wedding planning can be stressful, and getting married is a big life step—the best man should be there to listen and work with the groom through all his emotions, good or bad. 

### 6. Attend and Help Out at Pre-Wedding Events

Unless otherwise communicated, the best man is expected to attend and help out at any pre-wedding events, such as the engagement party, wedding shower(s), ceremony rehearsal, and rehearsal dinner. 

### 7. Handle Travel and Accommodation Plans

If any groomsmen are traveling from out of town, it’s up to the best man to help arrange local accommodations. And, in some cases, the best man may be asked to help the couple with transportation on the wedding day, such as driving the groomsmen to the ceremony on the wedding day or securing a car to take the couple to their hotel after the reception. For exact details on what’s expected, the best man should consult the groom. 

## Wedding Day Best Man Duties
The best man also plays a big role in helping the wedding run smoothly. The groom and best man should work together to create a game plan in advance to ensure that expectations are clear, and that all tasks can be completed while leaving plenty of time for joining in on the fun.  

### 1. Prepare an Emergency Kit

If the couple is hiring a wedding planner, he or she will likely come prepared with an emergency kit. However, if there’s no planner to turn to, it’s a good idea to put together a set of supplies that could come in handy in the event of a mishap on the wedding day, such as a sewing kit, stain remover, first aid kit, and a couple extra pairs of socks should a groomsman or two forget theirs. 

### 2. Get Dressed With The Groom and Other Groomsmen

On the morning of the wedding, the best man and groomsmen are expected to get ready with the groom and help him stay calm and collected before the ceremony. To keep everyone upbeat and entertained, we recommend putting on some music and breaking out some beer (or the groom’s beverage of choice). 

*__Pro Tip:__ Make sure that the groom drinks water and eats something before the ceremony begins—it’s easy for him to forget in the hustle and bustle of the big day.* 

### 3. Keep Everyone on Schedule

On his wedding day, the groom shouldn’t have to worry about wrangling his groomsmen. The best man should take the lead on keeping everyone on schedule and ensuring that everyone has what they need (like pinned-on boutonnieres) before it’s go-time. 

### 4. Hold on to The Rings

Before and during the ceremony, the best man is responsible for keeping up with the wedding rings and presenting them for the ring exchange. 

### 5. Help Welcome and Escort Guests

Traditionally, the groomsmen and the best man are assigned the task of escorting guests and passing out programs (if applicable). Either way, the best man should be prepared to welcome friends and family as they arrive. 

### 6. Stand by the Groom’s Side at The Ceremony

As the best of the groom’s buds, the best man stands next to the groom during the ceremony. This makes it easy to pass the rings to the groom when the moment is right, but also serves the symbolic purpose of showing the best man’s place of honor by the groom’s side on his journey into married life. 

### 7. Escort Maid of Honor During The Ceremony Recessional

It depends on the recessional plan outlined at the rehearsal, but the best man traditionally escorts the maid of honor during the ceremony recessional. 

### 8. Sign The Marriage License as a Witness

Many marriage licenses require the signatures of two witnesses. The maid of honor and the best man typically fill this role. Whether the signing takes place before of the after the ceremony, the best man should make sure he’s in the right place at the right time for this important task. 

### 9. Pose for Photos

All of the groomsmen may be asked to pose for pictures before and/or after the ceremony. In addition to putting on his best smile, the best man should take an active role in making sure everyone is present and focused during the time allotted for wedding party and groomsmen photos. 

### 10. Give The Best Man Toast

The best man is often asked to give a toast during the wedding reception. Check out our guide on [how to give a great wedding toast](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-give-a-great-wedding-toast) for tips and tricks. 

### 11. Be a Great Guest

The groom will look to his groomsmen to make sure that the wedding is not only stress-free, but fun. The guy bestowed the honor of best man should lead the pack in being great wedding guests throughout the evening: chat with other guests, drink responsibly, participate in guest activities (like signing the guestbook and snapping selfies in the photo booth), and getting the crowd pumped up when it’s time to hit the dance floor. 

### 12. Keep an Eye Out for The Groom

While it’s not required, if the best man wants to go above and beyond for his buddy, he can keep an eye out for the groom throughout the reception. We mean this in two ways: 1) Make sure the groom is well supplied with drinks (both alcoholic and non-alcoholic) and that he takes some time to eat during the reception; 2) Handle situations that might distract the groom from enjoying the celebration, such as a groomsman or guest who overindulged at the bar. 

### 13. Ensure a Stress-Free Send-Off

It’s customary for the groomsmen to make sure that the couple’s send-off is a breeze. Whichever of the below activities are assigned to the groom’s crew, the best man should coordinate with the groomsmen to make sure everything is completed as requested. Some send-off duties the groomsmen might be tasked with include: 
- Rounding up the wedding gifts and cards and transporting them to a secure place.
- Decorating the car (or other mode of transportation) that the couple will use to leave the reception. Keep in mind: this may not be allowed if the couple hires a transportation company. 
- Driving the couple to their hotel (or the airport) after the wedding reception, if they didn’t book other transportation. 
- Readying the luggage for the couple, if they are planning to leave for the honeymoon directly after the reception. 

A Complete Guide to Wedding Attire for Grooms

Anyone who’s been in a wedding party knows that it’s not exactly a cheap job. If you’re part of a [bridal party](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/what-is-a-wedding-party-and-do-you-need-one), [costs can escalate](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/talk-money-in-a-wedding-party) into the thousands quickly. Typically, the bridal party is responsible for their own attire, any travel to and from the wedding, a wedding gift, and, of course, the bachelorette trip. Bachelorette trips range from reasonable and thrifty to totally extravagant and expensive. If your bridal party is planning the latter, well, sometimes the reality is that you just can’t afford the trip. Don’t feel guilty about saying no. Instead, here’s what to do when you can’t afford the bachelorette party.

## Don’t feel bad.
First and foremost, you’re not a bad bridesmaid if you can’t swing the bachelorette trip financially. It can feel like a duty and, that as a member of the wedding party, you should be there no matter what. That is certainly not the case.  Joining the bachelorette party isn’t the same as purchasing a bridesmaid dress. It’s a much bigger expense and commitment and it’s totally understandable if you’re unable to make it work. Your finances certainly come first. No one should go into debt for a party.

## How To Break The News 
After careful consideration, you come to the conclusion that you just can’t afford the trip—now what? Here’s how to break the news to the bride that you can’t make the bachelorette trip. 

### Talk in person.
Since the bride is probably really looking forward to her bachelorette party, it’s important to have this conversation in person and not over text or email. Ask the bride to grab some coffee or a drink and sit down and let her know what’s up face-to-face. She’ll most likely appreciate that you took the initiative and time to sit her down and tell her in person. Having the conversation in real-time also ensures that there’s [no chance for miscommunication](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/resolve-wedding-party-disagreements) (and no talking to other people on the side about the situation). 

Whatever you do, don’t procrastinate the conversation. The longer you wait, the worse it’ll be to bail. As soon as you know you can’t make the trip, reach out to the bride to let her know. 

### Be straightforward. 
Don’t beat around the bush when you finally do get the chance to tell the bride—and definitely don’t make any excuses. Don’t blame any other people or instances. Explain your situation and share your reasons—they’re totally legit and the bride will hopefully understand. There’s no reason to lie or take the roundabout way. It will just lead to more confusion down the line. 

Also, be sure to explicitly thank the bride for being a part of the wedding party and invited to something as special as her bachelorette party. 

## Get involved in other ways.
Just because you can’t afford to attend the bachelorette party doesn’t mean you can’t still celebrate the bride to be. Consider taking an extra step to let her know you’re still thinking of her. 

### Send something.
Get the accommodation details from another bridesmaid and send a gift to the celebration. Whether it’s themed care package, a few bottles of wine or champagne, a tray of room service, or even elements of decor, sending a gift gets you there in spirit. The rest of the bridal party will be thrilled and the bride will appreciate the gesture. 

### Plan a more low-key celebration.
After you talk to the bride about why you can’t attend the bachelorette trip, ask her if it’d be OK for you to plan a smaller something, as well. Here are some ideas:

- __Spa day.__ Wedding planning is stressful, so what bride would turn away a chance to relax and be pampered? Choose services based on your budget. That might mean manicures and pedicures or it may mean facials and massages. 

- __Tickets for an activity.__ Based on the bride’s interests, organize a day spent doing something she loves. Buy tickets to a baseball game, go ice skating, or take a cooking class. In the midst of her wedding planning, taking a break for a favorite activity could be a nice way for her to decompress. 

- __Nice dinner.__ You can’t go wrong with a girl’s night out. Even dinner and drinks at a nice restaurant won’t cost as much as a bachelorette party. 
	
### Offer to help organize.
If you have the bandwidth for it, consider offering to help with another wedding planning task like writing the table place cards or helping assemble centerpieces. You could also attend any boring vendor meetings with the her to make things a bit more fun. Taking on some additional tasks is a kind gesture that she’s sure to remember. 

## Don’t stress about it.
At the end of the day, don’t spend too much time or energy stressing over how to tell the bride or what to do about not being able to afford the bachelorette trip. As long as you are honest and considerate, the bride should understand. She probably wants the least amount of drama and stress surrounding her bachelorette party anyway. 

7 Bridal Shower Traditions, Updated 

I Can't Afford the Bachelorette Trip. What Do I Do?

A wedding party is a group of people chosen by the couple to support and celebrate them throughout their journey from engagement to marriage. The people chosen to be in a wedding party are typically close friends and family members of the bride(s) or groom(s). They are responsible for certain duties, both before and during the big day. Some of these wedding party duties include: 

- Planning pre-wedding activities such as showers and bachelor/bachelorette parties.
- Helping the bride and/or groom get dressed and ready on the big day.
- Participating in the ceremony by standing nearby  after the bride’s grand entrance until after the couple exchanges their vows.
- Historically, members of the wedding party would be the witnesses to a marriage, and would sign off on any sort of legal documentation necessary. 

## What’s the Difference Between a Wedding Party and a Bridal Party? 
- A __wedding party__ is the term for the entire group of people who participate in the ceremony alongside the couple—the maid of honor, best man, bridesmaids, groomsmen, and any children such as the flower girl or ring bearer. 
- The __bridal party__, is just the group chosen by the bride to support her on the wedding day. 

Traditionally, bridal party members are made up of only women. However, as more and more couples are choosing to do things in their own way, the bride is no longer confined to choosing just women to be in her support crew. Thus the term “wedding party” (or even “commitment crew”) is the more modern, all-inclusive term used to describe the people chosen by the couple to surround and support them on their special day. 

## Who Should Be in My Wedding Party?
There are three categories of people who are usually included in the wedding party:
1. __Siblings:__ Any siblings, including step-siblings or future siblings-in-law, are often first on the wedding party list. 
2. __Close family:__ Cousins or other relatives near in age to the couple are also often a good fit for the wedding party.
3. __Best friends:__ The bride and/or groom’s dearest pals are another good choice for the wedding party—but they should be friends that have, or will, stand the test of time. Keep in mind these are the people that will be in your wedding photos forever!

## Traditional Wedding Party Roles
At weddings with a "head table," the wedding party sits with the bride and/or groom. With a "sweetheart table", the couple is seated separately from their wedding party, but their closest friends and family are still in close proximity.

Here’s a quick breakdown of the titles and roles you’ll find in a traditional wedding party, as well as lengthier explanations for what each of these roles are expected to do. 

- *__Pro Tip:__ While these are the textbook divisions of matrimonial labor, however you choose to assign responsibilities is completely up to you and your partner. If you want to plan your own bachelorette party, skip it entirely, or skip having a wedding party for that matter, do what feels right for you. However you seek outside support during your wedding planning, make sure you articulate nicely and clearly what you need from each of the important people in your life so that they can help you have the meaningful, important day you’re hoping for.*

### Quick Look at Traditional Wedding Party Roles
- Best Man: the groom’s main dude. 
- Groomsman: the groom’s auxiliary dudes.
- Maid of Honor: the bride’s main lady.
- Matron of Honor: the bride’s main lady, but she’s married.
- Bridesmaid: the bride’s auxiliary ladies.
- Junior Bridesmaid or Junior Groomsman: usually tween-age family members or children of the bride and groom’s closest
- Flower girl or boy: usually somewhere between the ages of 3 and 12; petal-tossers.
- Ring Bearer: usually somewhere between the ages of 3 and 12; ring or sign holder.

### Detailed Look at Traditional Wedding Party Roles
- __Best Man:__ A close friend of the groom, the best man is predominantly responsible for the social aspect of the groom’s wedding party. He is expected to:
  - Plan the [bachelor party](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/a-guide-to-bachelor-parties).
  - Attend the wedding rehearsal 
  - Help keep the groomsmen on time throughout the big day.
  - Help out the groom and make sure he has everything he needs.
  - Assist with things like handing out programs to wedding guests or ushering before the ceremony.
  - Serve as keeper of the wedding rings (including handing them over at the correct moment during the wedding ceremony).
  - [Give a speech](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-give-a-great-wedding-toast) during the reception.
  - Share in the regular groomsmen’s responsibilities.

- __Maid or Matron of Honor:__ Traditionally, the maid (or matron) of honor attends all pre-wedding events that the bride attends. Here are the maid of honor’s expected duties: 
  - Help plan or host the bridal party luncheon.
  - Attend the wedding rehearsal.
  - Help plan or host the [bridal shower](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-plan-a-bridal-shower). 
  - Help plan or host the [bachelorette party](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/a-guide-to-bachelorette-parties).
  - Make sure all the bridesmaids are ready with their bridesmaid dress, hair, with hair and makeup and on time on the wedding day.
  - Provide refreshments during getting-ready hours.
  - Hold the bride’s bouquet during portions of the ceremony.
  - Help the bride navigate the bathroom in her dress.
  - Bustle the bride’s wedding dress before the reception.
  - Give a speech during the reception.
  - Shares in the regular bridesmaids’ responsibilities. 

- __Bridesmaids & Groomsmen:__ These wedding attendants share many of the same duties. Both bridesmaids and groomsmen are expected to: 
  - Attend—and perhaps even plan—pre-wedding events such as the engagement party, bachelor or bachelorette parties, wedding showers, and wedding rehearsals.
  - Buy appropriate wedding attire and accessories.
  - Buy the couple a wedding gift.
  - Get ready with the bride or groom on the wedding day.
  - Process down the aisle and/or stand next to the couple.
  - Act as stand-in hosts as needed during the reception.
  - Hit the dance floor when requested.
  - Occasionally give a speech at the wedding reception.

- __Parents of the Bride(s) or Groom(s):__ Traditionally, the bride’s parents and/or groom’s parents are expected to be involved in both the wedding planning, wedding rehearsals, and the actual wedding day itself, and may also share financial responsibility for part or all of the wedding. The parents of the bride and groom typically: 
  - Serve as point people for extended or out-of-town families.
  - Serve as point people for guests who need extra assistance during the wedding ceremony and reception.
  - Some or all of the parents will give a toast at the rehearsal dinner and wedding reception, welcoming their new child-in-law and celebrating the union of their two families.

  - __Mother of the Bride:__ The bride’s mother can serve a similar role to the MOH in that she provides an extra level of support throughout the wedding planning process. Mothers of the bride usually help shop for the wedding dress, the bride’s necklace, costumes, and other important garments; she may also have a hand in planning the bridal shower, rehearsal dinner, and possibly a bridal luncheon for the bridal party and close female family members. On the wedding day, she helps the bride get ready, may walk her daughter down the aisle, and participate in the first dances. 

  - __Mother of the Groom:__ The groom’s mother may perform some or all of the above functions, though she usually plays a slightly smaller role than the mother of the bride. The mother of the groom takes part in the mother-son dance.

  - __Father of the Bride:__ The bride’s father typically plays a smaller role in the run-up to the wedding, but has several duties on the day of the wedding. Some families choose to have a “first look” with the father of the bride, which allows the bride and her dad to spend some quality time together before the ceremony. The father of the bride often walks his daughter down the aisle and “gives her away” at the altar, either by himself or with the mother of the bride. He will also take part in the father-daughter dance.

  - __Father of the Groom:__ The groom’s father’s role is often even more limited, though in recent years more and more grooms have included their fathers as members of their wedding party or even asked their dads to serve as their best men. 

- __Other Family and Friends:__ Between (step)parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, you might have a whole horde of family knocking down your door to celebrate you and your partner on your special day...and that’s not even counting all your dear friends. Whether to choose to have a wedding party or not, you can find ways to expand your VIP roster by honoring your loved ones with specific roles or responsibilities. Here are a few ideas (feel free to get creative with titles):
  - Ceremony reader 
  - Ceremony musician or singer
  - Ceremony greeter who hands out programs
  - Ceremony usher
  - Guest book attendant 
  - Wedding officiant
  - Wedding Dj

## Do You Need to Have a Wedding Party?
The short answer is no—having a wedding party is definitely not a requirement if it doesn’t feel right to you and your partner. There are plenty of reasons why a couple might not want any wedding party members: perhaps they have too many friends and family to choose from and don’t want to make tough choices, or perhaps they would prefer to have just the two of them up at the altar for a more intimate moment. If you’re eloping, having a very small wedding, or if this is not your first time getting married, having a wedding party might feel unnecessary. The choice to have a wedding party—and if so, who those people are—is totally up to you.

Need help choosing a Maid of Honor? Or figuring out your duties as a bridesmaid? We've got you covered with this collection of bride's crew resources.

Being a groomsman is fun, and it comes with important responsibilities. Learn what the groom's crew does, how groomsmen should dress, and more.