Learn (or share) how to be the best guest ever with our expert advice and tips on wedding guest etiquette.

A great wedding speech—one that’s touching, lighthearted, and just the right amount of sentimental—can really help set the mood of a reception. If the couple asks you to make a speech at the wedding, you’re probably of some level of importance (like the [best man](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/giving-killer-best-man-speech)). So, take it as an honor if it happens to be you. For someone who’s afraid of public speaking, though, being assigned to give a [wedding toast](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/give-wedding-speech-hate-public-speaking) can feel overwhelming and scary. Since bailing is an unlikely option, you’ll have to step up to the plate and face the wedding crowd. Here’s how to get over the fear of public speaking to deliver a truly awesome wedding speech. 

## What makes a successful wedding speech?
The best type of wedding speech isn’t the one that makes people laugh the hardest or is the most poignant—it’s the one that sounds most like you. No really. A speech isn’t going to go that well if you’re trying to be something you’re not. For example, if you’re not the type to crack jokes every other sentence then why try to force them into the wedding speech? Just stick to what makes you feel comfortable.

After all, *you* were chosen to make the speech by the newlyweds so they know what you’re capable of and they’re excited to hear what you have to say. 

![INLINE EicharPhotography 1080x720 Monica&Emir](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/5TE0Nu1vhZ1CukmWdZn8AP/1f8493499b060e37f6781e8509ef27dd/INLINE_EicharPhotography_1080x720_Monica_Emir.jpg)
*Photo Credit* // Eichar Photography

## How To Write A Wedding Speech You Can Deliver
If you’re already nervous to give a wedding speech then winging it probably isn’t the best idea. The key is to write an uncomplicated speech that won’t trip you up. 

### Keep it short. 
Yes, this is the wedding of someone you really care about, but this doesn’t mean you need a long-winded speech to impress the audience. Keep the speech short, sweet, and simple. By this, we mean absolutely under 10 minutes. Everyone—including yourself–will thank you.

### Say something nice about the newlyweds. 
Stuck on what to even talk about in the speech? Keep the attention on the newlyweds. Share a short (and straightforward) story about them or just mention a quality or characteristic that makes them perfect for each other. Avoid anything controversial, crude, or embarrassing. 

### Show appreciation. 
Right now you may be dreading the task, but getting to deliver a wedding speech is a big honor. You’re a significant part of the wedding, so express some gratitude for the happy couple and say thanks.

## How To Prepare To Give Your Wedding Speech
Writing the speech is one thing. Getting up and presenting it in front of a crowd is most definitely another. Fear not! Taking the proper precautions can help make you feel confident and ready.

### Have a test audience. 
After you draft out your speech, sit down with a fellow wedding party member or friend for a test run-through. It’s always helpful to get another pair of ears on a speech. They can tell you if the story is too hard to follow or offer some other constructive criticism to help boost your speech-giving confidence before the big day. Do as many test runs with as many people as you need to in order to feel comfortable.

### Rehearse, rehearse, rehearse. 
You know what they say: Practice makes perfect. “Give” the speech at least three times to see where you tend to hiccup or blank. Literally—we mean say the speech out loud to yourself and track the difficult parts. You’ll probably find that parts of the speech come easy to you (you may even memorize them quickly), but others stop you in your tracks. Rehearsing helps make the speech more familiar to you, which means more confidence when you deliver it. 

*__Pro tip: Do at least one trial run loaded with distractions, like people walking around or a cell phone going off. You never know what could happen during the actual speech delivery so it’s best to prepare for the unexpected.__* 

![INLINE OneLovePhotography 1080x720 Kristin&Michael](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/3hfMKDe9kGnPrjFI54BW9B/c9540d430680e568cf7e75beb1465c14/INLINE_OneLovePhotography_1080x720_Kristin_Michael.jpg)
*Photo Credit* // One Love Photography

### Don’t be afraid of notes.
You do not need to memorize your wedding speech. Repeat: You do not need to memorize your wedding speech. Feel free to bring up a copy of your speech in any format (short of poster board) that helps you read or reference it clearly. For some people, that means reading off their phones. For others, it means printing the speech on standard paper. 

Bringing a copy of your speech with you to the microphone isn’t anything to be ashamed of. You might not even use the backup during the actual speech but for some people. However, just knowing you have the option to read your speech can be a major comfort. It may ease some of your nerves about fumbling or forgetting anything.  

### Focus on the foreheads. 
Forget the old adage of picturing the audience in their underwear. First of all, no thanks. Second, a great speaker is one who makes eye contact with the audience, wouldn’t you agree? They’re confident enough to look right at you as they seamlessly deliver point after point. 
No worries if you’re not ready for that type of commitment yet. Just focus your eyes on the tops of people’s foreheads. It gives the illusion that you’re making eye contact and keeps you from staring at the ceiling or floor out of nerves. 

### Watch your drinks. 
As tempting as the open bar is, try to lay off the booze until after you give your speech. You may think liquid courage will help things run smoothly but lowered inhibitions and a microphone is also the formula for some seriously embarrassing disasters. If you’re slated to give a wedding toast, it’s better to be safe rather than sorry and to hold off on going bottoms up.

We also recommend eating at least a small something before your speech. You don’t want to be uncomfortably full but you also really don’t want to be distracted by hunger pains or (god forbid) an audibly grumbling stomach.

### Don’t forget to breathe—and smile! 
Being in the spotlight, even if just for a few minutes, is understandably nerve-wracking so if you start to freak out, just remember to breathe and smile! Just the act of [smiling](https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/simply-smiling-can-actually-reduce-stress-10461286/) has been found by scientists to relieve tension during otherwise stressful situations. So if you stumble over your words or trip on your dress on the way to the microphone, don’t sweat it. At the end of the day, the newlyweds are just excited to have you commemorating their big day with a few kind words. 

You made it! End the speech with a toast and get the entire reception to clink their glasses and bring all the attention and love back to the happy couple. 

bride and Maid of Honor smiling looking at each other holding bouquet

Maid of Honor Duties: A Full Checklist

How to Choose Wedding Readers

Best Man holding a paper with text "Best best man speech ever"

How to Give a Great Best Man Speech  

bride and groom laughing as best man gives speech at a wedding reception

How To Give A Great Wedding Toast

Do I Have to Buy a Wedding Shower Gift and a Wedding Gift?

bride and groom kissing with guests cheering and holding sparklers

Dos and Don'ts for Wedding Guests

Everything You Need to Know About Group Gifting

How Much to Spend on a Wedding Gift 

General Etiquette

How to Give a Wedding Speech If You Hate Public Speaking

Wedding Guests

Every wedding guest list is unique, but we're willing to bet that yours features a range of budgets. Some guests can afford to splurge and others may be a bit more conservative with their funds for one reason or another. Keep this in mind when it comes to adding items to your [wedding registry](https://www.zola.com/wedding-registry). We always recommend adding smaller- and larger-ticket items so there's something for all budgets. There's no need to skip expensive gifts, though. Just make it a group gift! Here's how it works—and why you should do it.

## What Is Group Gifting?

Group gifting is a win-win situation for the couple and the guest. It allows the couple to choose whatever gifts they want, in whatever price range they want. At the same time, the guests stay in their budget, contributing what they wish to the larger gift. We handle all the logistics for your guests so there’s no unnecessary back and forth.

## Why Should I Use Group Gifting?
Well, like we said, it makes your registry experience completely accessible to all budget levels. Plus, it's a Zola secret that making an expensive item a group gift actually increases your chances of receiving that gift. Guests are less likely to simple skip over it if they can't afford the entire thing.

## What Counts As A Group Gift?
Anything you want! Really, anything. At Zola we offer an extremely wide range of registry items—from expensive bar ware to whole furniture pieces to experiences you'll remember forever. Usually group gifts are on the more expensive end but, with your Zola registry, you can make anything a group gift.

## Do Guests Have To Go In On A Group Gift Together?
Nope! You can get that swanky bar cart from your coworker, great aunt, and friend from high school without any stress or coordination on their part (or yours, of course). We'll keep track of who contributed to what, though, so you can be sure to thank everyone when it's time.

## How Do I Do It?
When you register at Zola, you can turn on the group gifting feature for any item on your registry. This includes big-ticket items for the home, cash funds, and even charity funds. Just select group gifting as you're adding the item to let your friends and family know the deal.

## Group Gifting Ideas:
Now that you've decided to use our group gifting feature, we figured we'd offer some recommenations. How you choose to employ group gifting is entirely up to you! Go big or go home on big ticket items or set up a [fund](https://www.zola.com/shop/honeymoon-cash-funds) for the charity of your choice or your [honeymoon](https://www.zola.com/shop/honeymoon-cash-funds). Here are a few fun physical items that work well as group gifts.

### Quality Cookware
![lecreuset braiser flame A 750](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/4AMZs0ayYapg5aX2knILRW/0cf074133fbe197a818ecf0f946e856c/lecreuset_braiser_flame_A_750.jpg)
*Le Creuset – $285*

Group Gifting really comes in handy when you want to add high-quality brands to your wedding registry like [Le Creuset](https://www.zola.com/shop/product/lecreuset_braiser_flame). This brand is known for durability and timelessness, making it a guest favorite wedding gift–the only catch is the high price tag. Turn on group gifting and voila! The only kitchenware you’ll ever need is yours with the help of a few guests. To shop all Le Creuset, click [here](https://www.zola.com/shop/brand/le-creuset).

### Cozy New Couch
![59dba909c268e9639fa01cc4 A 1600](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6acF81K0YKlKiE4Q9Ctgm/280e313c1d1d85f3138bb44eed53c573/59dba909c268e9639fa01cc4_A_1600.jpeg)
*Baxton Studio - $1099.99*

Fill your new space (or upgrade your current one) with comfy furniture fit for two. Your guests will be happy to contribute to your home—especially if you invite them over to enjoy it, too. We love this [mid-century sectional](https://www.zola.com/shop/product/baxton_midcentury_sectional_sofa_grey) in a neutral hue.

### Couples Massage
![zeel couples massage nyc A 750](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/sFA4la2wmRFPP4Lois4Yp/1af941046b93827410d3db42573f98c0/zeel_couples_massage_nyc_A_750.jpg)
*Zeel – $100-$318, depending on location*

Who could resist a [couples massage](https://www.zola.com/shop/brand/zeel) leading up to your big day? Or perhaps save it for time when all the wedding festivities have died down and you two are still looking to celebrate. Either way, turn on [group gifting](https://www.zola.com/wedding-registry) and let your guests contribute to an afternoon of sheer bliss.

### A Weekend Adventure
![5a43faf1c268e921c9efce18 A 1600](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/5cUanq0u3jvExwRyu3nqa2/8452eaa0bd6cc3f3a9f810797b64d79d/5a43faf1c268e921c9efce18_A_1600.jpeg)
*Cloud 9 Living - $250*

Sure, you're planning your honeymoon, but that won't be the last getaway you take as a couple. Get a jumpstart on weekend planning with a gift card (yes, you can register for gift cards!) to [Cloud 9 Living](https://www.zola.com/shop/product/cloud9_250_experience_giftcard), an experience gift company. Use it towards a skydiving adventure, a luxury camping weekend, a sunset cruise for two, or any of the company's many other large and small adventures.

### In-House Entertainment
![56e0722ee4b000338fbfa420 A 1600](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/3vAvgKr5fSlqoIKaiaHYhU/609feb3325c586d6d310770086efebaf/56e0722ee4b000338fbfa420_A_1600.jpeg)
*Sonos - $699*

Hook up your pad with a high-quality, even coveted speaker like a Sonos PLAYBAR. The nine-speaker soundbar will flood your home with the high-quality sound for TV, web, video games, and music.  

We really mean it when we say you can make anything a group gift. Receive the wedding gifts you *really* want with the group gifting feature that will make your guests as happy as you.

Bridal Shower Gifts & Group Gift Ideas

back view of black wedding car with open trunk loaded with wedding gifts and just married written on it

The Top 13 Do's & Don'ts When Creating Your Wedding Registry

15 Wedding Registry Secrets to Get the Gifts You Really Want

21 Unexpected Registry Items You'll Use Every Day

50 Fun and Useful Ways to Use Your Wedding Cash Fund

wedding registry gift essentials including a blue Le Creuseut dutch oven, measuring spoons, a yellow citrus juice, and a turquoise citrus juicer 

Essentials to Put on Your Wedding Registry 

man and woman holding hands in front of a mint green door seen only from waist down

How to Create a Registry If You Already Live Together 

Gift Etiquette

While weddings are great for your social life, they aren’t always kind to your wallet. Between gifts, outfits, and travel expenses, wedding guests can spend over [$700 on a single wedding](https://www.businessinsider.com/wedding-guests-are-spending-a-lot-of-money-per-wedding-2019-7). If you’re headed to an overseas [destination wedding](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/cut-destination-wedding-costs), you’re looking to spend even more. Don’t miss out on your best friends’ weddings, though. Instead, follow our best advice on how to save money as a wedding guest.

## Plan ahead and be organized.
If you know you have a bunch of weddings coming up in the next year or so, start saving as soon as possible. A “wedding guest fund” is a smart way to squirrel away money over time, making expenses feel more manageable. The last thing you want is to get hit with a credit card bill you can’t afford.

You also want to be organized. If you’re going to an out-of-town wedding, leaving the accommodation and car rentals to the last minute means losing out on early-bird deals. Prices can increase significantly closer to booking, or sell out altogether. Avoid this financial stressor by booking early and also checking to see if the accommodation offers wedding discounts. Oftentimes couples will reserve a block of hotel rooms or have a preferred guest rate. Check for these [details on invites](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/the-dos-and-donts-of-wedding-invitation-wording) or on the pair’s [wedding website](https://www.zola.com/wedding-planning/website). 

If a wedding requires a flight, keep an eye out for deals. Sometimes booking early is best, but other times airlines have seat sales during off-season months. Do your homework and figure out the best time to score a discount. You can also cash in air miles or travel points should you have them. 

![INLINE EileenKPhotography 1080x720 Tiffany&Paul](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/67SW15VphD4ySxeRwqE13b/dbd6f7928ac528ab38ccc34fe606f661/INLINE_EileenKPhotography_1080x720_Tiffany_Paul.jpg)
*Photo Credit* // Eileen K Photography

## Rent, borrow, or re-wear outfits.
For men, wearing a different dress shirt, tie, or pocket square is often enough to change up the look of a suit. But for women, new wedding outfits can be more costly.

Save money by borrowing a dress from a friend, or renting an outfit. The idea of renting a cocktail dress or fancy ball gown is becoming more and more popular, and it’s far cheaper than purchasing the outfit yourself—especially if you have a lot of outfits to buy. Many clothing rental companies also have shoes and accessories, meaning you can rock an entirely new look without breaking the bank.

Another option? Stick to a black silhouette and change up your accessories. Find that perfect LBD or black jumpsuit and swap out the sweater, shoes, and jewelry for each wedding.

## Split costs with a friend. 
If money is tight, consider teaming up with a friend or loved one on all aspects of a wedding. This means going in on a wedding shower gift together, driving to events together, and splitting wedding-related costs whenever possible. 

If you’re travelling with friends to a destination wedding, see if you can share a villa or AirBnB. Even going halves on hotel rooms reduces costs. If driving to a wedding instead of flying is an option, see if a friend wants to road trip with you. All these expenses add up, and sharing them with another person alleviates the financial burden from being entirely on you.  

## Fly solo.
If you’re bringing a date to a wedding, the general rule is that you [gift a larger present](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-much-to-spend-on-a-wedding-gift). Some dates may be fine with covering their half, but depending on your etiquette and relationship status, bringing a date to a wedding often means it’s up to you to spot them (you invited them to *your* friend’s wedding, after all). 

Save money by flying solo. If it’s a close friend or family member’s wedding, you’ll know other guests there anyways. Plus, you never know who you’ll meet!

![INLINE LemonadePhotography 1080x720 Shante&Brian](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/3L2oZSVVbZrz2eupbiU7po/adc686bc98003f60f0d9ede5b43d2022/INLINE_LemonadePhotography_1080x720_Shante_Brian.jpg)
*Photo Credit* // Lemonade Photography

## Gift smart.
[Wedding registries](https://www.zola.com/wedding-registry) often have items of varying price points. If you’re on a budget, stick to more affordable gifts. It’s perfectly OK to get a smaller-ticket item off a registry—the couple still asked for it. 

Homemade or personalized gifts are great options, too. If you’re talented at scrapbooking, maybe you want to make an album for the couple highlighting their special moments together. If poetry is your thing, writing an original love sonnet is an incredibly thoughtful and one-of-a-kind gift. These presents can be very special for newlyweds. 

Also, see if friends or family members are willing to go in on more expensive presents with you. Couples can mark certain gifts on their Zola registries as a [“Group Gift.”](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/everything-you-need-to-know-about-group-gifting) This allows for multiple guests to contribute what they can to larger ticket items. This way, you’re still giving the couple things they want without breaking your personal bank account.

People are what make events memorable, so don’t sweat if you can’t spend as much as you’d like on a wedding. Plan ahead, be organized, and try to be as resourceful as possible. Your future self (and bank account) will thank you. 

How Soon Is Too Soon To Ask Someone To Be Your +1?

How to RSVP to a Wedding - Wedding RSVP Etiquette

Is It Ever OK to Ask for a +1 to a Wedding?

wedding table full of guests and plus-ones

Wedding Plus-One Etiquette You Need to Know

indian groom celebrates with wedding guests

How to Save Money as a Wedding Guest

It’s always exciting to get invited to a wedding. Someone you love is getting married and they want you there to celebrate. If you’re particularly close with the couple, you may get a few more invitations along the way to various pre-wedding events, including the wedding shower. You’re probably prepared to buy a wedding gift off the couple’s registry, but what about a [wedding shower gift](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/a-guide-to-bridal-showers)? You might be wondering if you even need to buy both. Gift etiquette isn’t always straightforward. Let’s break it down.

## Do I need to buy a gift for the shower and the wedding?
__In short: Yes.__ We definitely recommend purchasing a gift for both the wedding and the wedding shower. That’s the simplest way to layout the basic gift etiquette. However, there are a few stipulations such as price, size, and more that come with that advice.

![INLINE PhotobyStarNoirPhotography](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/1AJjZuw8TOa2IAOwj2OlgJ/ee2177f21d8f17f9cdaeb2905ebe973d/INLINE_PhotobyStarNoirPhotography.jpg)
*Photo Credit* // Star Noir Photography

### Wedding Shower Gifts vs. Wedding Gifts 
Not all gifts are created equal—or at least they don’t have to present as if they are. Yes, you should purchase both a wedding gift and a wedding shower gift, but they don’t have to be of equal value. In fact, you can (and should) feel free to spend less on a shower gift than you do on a wedding present.

Traditional wedding etiquette says that your wedding gift should [cover the cost of your meal and drinks](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-much-to-spend-on-a-wedding-gift) at the wedding—which can fall somewhere between $50 and $200. It’s a big range, but all weddings are different so you’ll know best where your gift should fit into that. Typically, you’ll select something from the couple’s registry anyway, which makes the whole wedding gift situation pretty straightforward.

As far as a wedding shower gift goes, the same rules do not apply. Giving a gift in the $25-$75 price range is completely acceptable. If it’s your best friend since childhood’s shower and you want to spoil her/him, by all means, go for it. Just know that you don’t have to.

### Should I buy the wedding shower gifts and wedding gifts off the registry?
Simply put: You should buy your wedding gift off the [couple’s wedding registry](https://www.zola.com/wedding-registry). These are the gifts they specifically chose because they want or need them. So, definitely choose from there for the wedding gift. 

Additionally, you can buy the wedding shower gift from that same registry. And why wouldn’t you? Here’s a [selection of gifts](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/essentials-to-put-on-your-registry) that you know the couple will be happy to receive. If you can find something in your budget, it’s a win-win.  

If you’re particularly close with the host or couple (or you can’t find anything on the registry within your budget), it’s OK to stray from the registry. Your wedding shower gift can be a great opportunity to give something a little more sentimental and personal. Is the bride a bit of a product junkie? Get her a monogrammed makeup bag to hold her wedding day makeup. Does the couple love to try new wines? Try a wine subscription box. Is a dog or cat the center of their lives? Gift a custom pet portrait. 

The point is if you decide to shop for your own wedding shower gift, make sure it’s something he or she will love.

![INLINE PhotobyProcopioPhotography](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/76I3hdQXt8pAeZwyi9vlnS/4feffa18c209d68376cb8b6bab6bb73c/INLINE_PhotobyProcopioPhotography.jpg)
*Photo Credit* // Procopio Photography

### Should I show up with my gifts or send them directly? 
The etiquette fun continues! When it comes to delivery, wedding shower gifts and wedding gifts also have a different set of rules.

- __For wedding gifts__, it probably makes more sense to send your gift directly to the couple via their registry. There are a few reasons for this. First, the couple has a lot going on. Tracking and transporting their gifts isn’t a task you necessarily want to contribute to. Also, couples with Zola wedding registries can actually choose when their wedding gifts are shipped to them. This control allows couples the freedom to tackle their wedding gifts (and thank you notes!) when they’re ready. 

- __For a wedding shower__, it’s up to you! Typically, these showers have gift-opening moments so, if you’d prefer to be involved in that, definitely show up gift in hand.

Of course, there are exceptions. If the shower is taking place in a city where the host or couple doesn’t currently live (a hometown, for example), he or she may ask that any shower gifts be sent to a certain address to avoid traveling with them. If the couple is hosting a super intimate wedding, you may, in that case, prefer to show up with your physical gift instead of sending it directly. 

You’ll know what’s best for each individual situation. Generally, though, plan to arrive at the wedding shower with your gift and plan to send your wedding gift in the mail.

The bottom line: Get both gifts. You don’t need to break the bank in order to give something the couple will truly appreciate. 

bride in white silk robe laughing with bridesmaids in mint green bride tribe tank tops

A Guide to Bachelorette Parties

a bridal shower card labeled "soon to be mrs." on the grass next to a few pastel-colored bridal shower cookies

A Guide to Bridal Showers

Bridal Shower Thank You Card Etiquette

Wedding planning has a way of making even the simplest things seem complicated. Take [plus-one](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/the-pros-and-cons-of-inviting-plus-ones-to-your-wedding) etiquette, for example. Whether you’re the couple on the inviting end or on the receiving end of an invitation, it can be tricky to know what’s considered appropriate when it comes to plus-ones. For that reason, we’ve compiled our best tips and etiquette for both engaged couples and guests regarding plus-ones. If you aren’t sure of the standard protocol, read on.

## Plus-One Etiquette for the Couple
While there aren’t any hard and fast plus-one rules, wedding plus-one etiquette can ensure that everything runs smoothly for you and your guest. Keep some best practices in mind, such as:

### Who should get a plus-one?
While compiling your guest list, you might begin to go back-and-forth on who should get a plus one. Deciding on your own can be a daunting task. To ease any stress and resolve confusion, familiarize yourself with who traditionally is allowed a plus-one at a wedding.

- Wedding guests who are __married, engaged, and living together__ traditionally receive a plus-one. That being said, “living together” is interchangeable for those in serious and long-term relationships. 

- __Members of the wedding party__ should receive a plus-one. Allowing your bridesmaids and groomsmen to bring their significant others is a show of appreciation for their commitment and support throughout your engagement and wedding.

- That being said, couples may be willing to extend a plus-one to guests in __specific situations__. For example, if only a few single people are invited and would greatly benefit from having a date at their side. Or, your best friend is traveling across the country to attend and doesn’t know anyone outside of the couple.

### Who shouldn’t get a plus-one.
Though plus-ones can be a comfort to guests and gesture of appreciation, not everyone can or should have one. Additional guests mean additional costs (more on that below) and, really, not every guest needs one. Below are individuals you shouldn’t feel pressured to allow an additional guest on your big day.

- __Single guests who are casually dating.__ Traditional etiquette also says that, if someone hasn’t been in a relationship for over a year, allowing them to bring their partner isn’t a priority. That being said, consider special circumstances the ones mentioned above, here. If you have the budget to extend an invite to your close friend’s significant other of ten months, consider doing so. Use your best discretion.

- __Single people who will know other guests.__ Siblings, cousins, close friends, and others who aren’t in a serious relationship, but will know a decent amount of other guests, don’t need a plus-one. Because they’re close to or familiar with other attendees, they’re sure to be comfortable and have a good time.

- __Coworkers.__ This is often the case, because, if one coworker is allowed to bring a guests, all of them should be able to. This can quickly drive up costs and your guest count. That being said, if you’re close with your boss and invite them, it’s good etiquette to offer them a plus-one.

![INLINE ChrisKoeppenPhotography 1080x720 James&Lily](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/672dzBFg87BhXxOA8I3zXF/56681f13b955c932a401e6600b91d061/INLINE_ChrisKoeppenPhotography_1080x720_James_Lily.jpg)
*Photo Credit* // Chris Koeppen Photography

### How can a plus-one affect the cost of the wedding?
One of the more meticulous aspects of wedding planning is deciding on and sticking to a wedding budget. And, simply put, the number of guests in attendance can drastically effect your bottom line. That’s because, most often, venues and other vendors (notably, caterers and bartenders) will charge you per-person. A plus-one means another favor, plate of food, several drinks, and a literal seat at the table, adding to your set-up, catering, and bar expenses, at least. This makes offering someone a plus-one incredibly generous, since you’ll be footing the bill for their attendance.

## Tips for making a plus-one invitation list
Putting together your [wedding invitations](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-word-wedding-invitations-with-no-plus-one) and deciding on invited guest can be quite the task, in and of itself. Add the prospect of plus-ones and it’s easy to become overwhelmed. To avoid much of the stress and ensure you’re following good etiquette, consider these tips.

- __Know (and use) every plus-one’s name.__ If you know the specific guest someone is going to bring, look up or confirm the spelling of their name (as well as their title, if applicable). This way, it’ll be spelled and they’ll be addressed correctly on any save the dates, invitations, and seating signage or escort cards. Plus, it looks much more formal than “guest.”

- __Include their name on the RSVP response card.__ Again, if a specific individual is expected to be an additional guest, provide their name on the RSVP cards (or in your online RSVP system). This will prevent guests from extended the invitation to someone else or trying to bring multiple people.

- __Know and stick to your guest list limit.__ Whether your venue or budget only allows for a certain amount of people, be aware of or figure that number out and stick to it. Be realistic, even if it means not giving out many plus-ones—or any at all. Better to be safe than have to retract anyone’s plus-one due to inviting too many people.

## Plus-One Etiquette for Guests
Guests, too, should be respectful of the engaged couple and aware of proper plus-one etiquette, such as:

### If your invitation doesn’t list a plus-one, you can’t bring a guest.

This may seem obvious, but many guests have been tempted or even gone through with [asking the couple if they can still bring a plus-one](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/is-it-ever-ok-to-ask-for-a-1-to-a-wedding). While some cases may be for good reason, most often this can be stressful and awkward for both you and the engaged couple. Simply put, if your invitation only lists your name, you’re being invited alone. You can’t bring an added guest—and shouldn’t push for one, either. Don’t try to RSVP with a plus-one and definitely don’t show up with one on the day of.

### Bring a date, unless a friend is okayed.
Typically speaking, a plus-one is a formal date. Having one doesn’t often mean that you can bring anyone of your choosing. If you were given a plus-one, but don’t have a date to bring, don’t assume it’s okay to substitute with a friend. Of course, you can always reach out to the couple and ask if doing so is alright. Sometimes, they won’t mind. Others, however, will find it rude. If you feel strange asking, err on the side of caution and attend alone.

### If you do get a plus-one, RSVP with care.
RSVPing seems simple enough, but has its own set of etiquette when it comes to plus-ones. If you were generously given a plus one, keep the following in mind when it comes to sending in your RSVP.

- If your guest was named on your invitation, __don’t substitute them with someone else__. They are your plus-one and aren’t exchangeable. If they can’t attend, RSVP for yourself alone.

- If you were given a non-specific plus-one, __use their name when submitting your RSVP__, whether that’s online or via RSVP card. It’s only polite to let the couple know ahead of time who you plan on bringing.

- Don’t RSVP with a plus-one unless __you’re certain they can and will attend__. If you or they aren’t sure, play it save and RSVP for only yourself.

- Don’t RSVP with a plus-one under the assumption that you’ll find someone. The couple of hosts of the wedding pay for each individual that’s said to be coming to the wedding. If you RSVP with a plus-one and end up not bringing someone, the money that went towards their plate is wasted.

### Give a gift as a couple.
Generally, wedding gifts are given as part of a unit, whether that unit is a family of four or a couple. In other words, no, your plus-one doesn’t have to purchase his or her own gift. It’s perfectly acceptable to purchase one gift from the two of you.

It’s also acceptable for your date to contribute to the gift in some way. However, like most wedding guidelines, this isn’t a hard and fast rule. It depends on how close your date is to the happy couple.

If your cousin is getting married, and your date has literally never met him, consider picking up the full cost of the gift yourself. If your date has met the bride here and there, he or she may offer to contribute or split the cost with you in some way. Ultimately, if your date is a near stranger to the couple getting married, you may want to just plan on taking care of the gift yourself. Since your date is coming as your guest, it’s a thoughtful gesture.

![INLINE EicharPhotography 1080x720 Monica&Emir](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/5ql2boFrsVdzStUhfzhgxr/86b81fd5fbb25a1343fb14f66b71d637/INLINE_EicharPhotography_1080x720_Monica_Emir.jpg)
*Photo Credit* // Eichar Photography

### Give a gift that reflects that you have a guest.
Generally, yes. However, you’re not obligated to spend a certain amount of money on the gift, and you’re definitely not required to spend enough to “[cover your plate](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-much-to-spend-on-a-wedding-gift).” (This is the wedding etiquette myth that won’t die!)

A good rule of thumb is to double whatever you were planning on spending if you’re bringing a date. For example, if you’re comfortable spending $75 when you fly solo, plan on spending around $150 if you’re inviting a plus-one.

Think about your budget and what you can reasonably spend, but don’t sweat the dollar signs too much. The most important thing to remember is that you’re giving a gift because you love the couple.

### Have your plus-one sign the card if...
There are a couple of instances when your date should always sign the card, including when:

- __He or she is your long-term partner__—and you both know the couple. Perhaps you’re not married, but you’ve dated or lived together for several years. This one’s a no-brainer. Both your names should be on the card, even if one or both of the couple is more “your friend” (or family) than your partner’s.

- __You’ve been dating for at least a year__—and your partner has met the couple at least a handful of times. Maybe your plus-one doesn’t know your childhood bestie or sorority sister or cousin as well as you do, but if the two of you have been together seriously for at least a year and the soon-to-be-married couple has met your partner at least three times, put his or her name down.

- __You’re bringing a family member who knows the couple well__. For example, you’re bringing your mom or sister as your date to your old neighbor’s nuptials.

### Don’t have your plus-one sign the card if...
Likewise, there are a few instances in which your date doesn’t need to sign the card, including when:

- __Your relationship is brand new__—or you’ve only been on a few dates together before the wedding

- __He or she has never met the soon-to-be-married couple__

- __You’re bringing a friend who doesn’t know the couple__

What if your relationship to your plus-one doesn’t fit neatly into one of the above categories? First of all, don’t fret. Feel free to use your best judgment: If your plus-one and the couple are complete strangers who couldn’t pick each other out in a crowd, you can leave his or her name off. If you think it might hurt your plus-one’s feelings if he or she is excluded from the card? Go ahead and sign for the both of you. Chances are, the married couple won’t be offended by your plus-one’s good wishes. In fact, they’ll probably appreciate them!

At the end of the day, don’t let traditional etiquette stress you out too much. If you’re the engaged couple, make the decisions you think are best for your wedding day (including your space and budget). If you’re the guest, do your best to abide by etiquette and the couple’s wishes. If there’s any confusion, don’t hesitate to start a well-intentioned conversation.


Dos and Don'ts of Wedding Guest Fashion

So you’re invited to a wedding? Congrats—you made the [Guest List](https://www.zola.com/wedding-planning/guests) and are on your way to celebrating by the couple’s side on the big day. Whether it’s your first time attending a wedding or this is one of many nuptials under your belt, there’s a lot you can do (and not do) to ensure that you’re a great guest. Check out our list of dos and don’ts for wedding guests to avoid any embarrassing wedding *faux pas*.

## The Dos
- __[RSVP on time](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-rsvp-to-a-wedding).__ 
Responding late can result in awkward situations—like not having a seat and/or meal.
- __Communicate dietary restrictions early.__
The sooner the hosts know about any special food needs, the more likely they can accommodate them. 
- __[Buy a gift on the registry](https://www.zola.com/wedding-registry).__
The couple chose these gifts for a good reason. Get them what they really want/need! 
- __[Mail your gift (or cash/check)](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-much-to-spend-on-a-wedding-gift).__
It’s a hassle for the couple or hosts/planners to keep track of gifts at the reception (and they’re easily lost). 
- __Let the hosts know if you have to cancel.__
If something comes up, it’s not okay to just not show. 
- __Follow the [dress code](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/wedding-guests/wedding-attire/how-to-dress-for-a-wedding).__
Trust us, adhering to attire recommendations is always a good idea. 
- __Watch the weather (and be prepared for it).__
Is Mother Nature raining on this parade (literally)? Arrive with an umbrella in hand. 
- __Wear comfortable shoes (or bring a backup pair).__
Don’t let sore feet and blisters hold you back from enjoying the entire evening, dancing included.
- __Leave any drama at the door.__
It’s not your party and you can’t cry if you want to. (Happy tears are an exception.) 
- __Sit where you’re assigned (if applicable).__
As with boarding an airplane, disregarding the seating chart will only lead to chaos. 
- __Sign the guest book.__
It only takes a second, but leaving your name and a sweet message will let the couple look back and remember your presence at their big day. 
- __Silence your phone.__ 
Getting text alerts during the vow exchange = majorly embarrassing.
- __Stay out of the photographer’s way.__
The back of your head blocking a key moment like the first kiss won’t be appreciated. 
- __Get acquainted with other guests.__
“How do you know the couple?” is a great way to get conversation flowing at your table.
- __Drink responsibly.__
Feel free to have fun, but this isn’t a college rave. 
- __Dance!__
No couple dreams of an empty dance floor on their wedding day. 
- __Congratulate the couple.__
Seriously, a simple “Congrats you guys!” or “What a beautiful wedding! Thanks for inviting me” will do. 
- __Remember your favor.__
Even if it’s an item you’re not thrilled about, it’s still good form to take home your wedding favor. The couple or hosts went through a lot of thought and work to provide it. 
- __If you have to leave very early, say goodbye to the couple.__
Ghosting isn’t cool, but especially so at a wedding celebration. 

## The Don’ts
- __Text/call the couple on the wedding day.__
Let them enjoy their day and soak up the memories in the making without interruption from you. 
- __Bring uninvited +1s.__
This causes major problems when it comes to seating and meal arrangements. Flying solo for one night won’t kill you, we promise. 
- __Dress to draw attention.__
Go ahead and look cute (it’s encouraged), but remember that all eyes should be on the couple. 
- __Wear white.__
Breaking this cardinal rule of [wedding attire](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/what-to-wear-to-a-wedding) is a serious no-no. 
- __Be late.__
Plan to arrive at the ceremony and settle into your seat ~10 minutes before the event start time. 
- __Assume kids are welcome.__
Unless your invitation specifically invited your whole family, book a babysitter.
- __Skip the wedding ceremony.__
Unless you have a good reason that you’ve discussed with the hosts prior, it isn’t okay to just show up for dinner, drinks, and dancing. The vow exchange is the whole point, after all.
- __Take photos or videos during the ceremony.__
You aren’t the photographer. Sit back and be present in the moment. 
- __Give an unrequested toast or speech.__
This isn’t open mic night. If you haven’t been specifically asked to give a speech, leave the public words to those on the official timeline.  
- __Request inappropriate songs.__
Grandma doesn’t want to get down to your raunchy jams, and the entire wedding probably doesn’t want to hear your favorite niche band. 
- __Ask the couple financial or personal questions.__
It’s none of your business how much they spent on the florals or if they plan to have kids. 
- __Propose to your significant other.__
Someone else’s wedding isn’t your time to shine (or bring out the bling). 
- __Make a big announcement.__
Similarly, don’t steal the spotlight to announce pregnancies, career moves, relocations, or any other personal news. Remember whose day it is.
- __Abuse the open bar.__ 
We get it: free drinks are hard to pass up. But you’re at a private event, not at Mardi Gras.
- __Share opinions about the decor/details.__
Not digging the peach palette? Keep it to yourself. 
- __Dine and dash.__
It’s a good rule of thumb to stay until at least the cake cutting. 
- __Get competitive during the bouquet or garter toss.__
These rituals are supposed to be clean, good-natured fun—not look like a scene from The Hunger Games. 
- __Criticize the food.__
The meal may not be to your taste, but it’s better to keep your lips sealed on this one. 
- __Try to take food to go.__
We don’t blame you for wanting to take a slice of cake home with you, but it’s considered bad etiquette to ask the waitstaff to box up leftovers for you. 
- __Overdo it on PDA.__
Love may be in the air, but excessive displays of affection won’t be appreciated by the other wedding attendees. 
- __Hit the dance floor before the first dance.__
Unless the DJ or bandleader specifically requests it, the dance floor isn’t officially open until the couple’s first dance is finished, even if there’s music playing.
- __Dominate the couple’s time with a long conversation.__
Save that trip down memory lane for another time. This pair has a lot of folks to talk to tonight. 
- __Tell embarrassing/awkward stories about the couple.__
You’re in mixed company—play it safe and keep your stories PG. 


wedding gifts from a Zola registry including copper Kitchen Aid stand mixer, Le Creuset turquoise ramekins, and a copper Vitamix blender

What Is a Registry (And Why Do You Need One)?

green invitation suite laying on beige table.

Wedding Invitation Wording Etiquette

Zola online wedding planning tools as seen on mobile, desktop, and tablet

How to Plan a Wedding: A Step-by-Step Guide

wedding cake prices and wedding cake costs

Guide to Wedding Cake Costs & Prices

What to Write in a Wedding Card

wedding guests laughing with bride at wedding receptions

What to Wear to a Wedding

What to Wear to a Bridal Shower

As the resource for all things [Wedding Registry](https://www.zola.com/wedding-registry), we get a lot of questions here at Zola from guests looking to pick out the perfect wedding present. The question we get most often is, “How much should I spend on a wedding gift?” The answer varies depending on a few factors, such as how well you know the couple and how many different wedding events you’re invited to. Some of you may even be wondering if you need to purchase a wedding gift at all. Read on for our complete guide on wedding gift etiquette.

## What’s The “Cover Your Plate” Rule? 
Once upon a time, it was considered good etiquette to purchase a wedding gift with a price tag comparable to the cost per plate (i.e. your meal) at the reception. Although it’s outdated, this sneaky piece of advice still gets passed around by wedding attendees like a piece of wedding gospel. 

Here’s why you should leave it behind: 
- Following this guideline means having to ask around (or ask the couple directly) how much they’re spending per plate at their wedding, which is a pretty uncomfortable question to circulate. 
- It implies that you as a guest have to spend a certain amount on a wedding gift regardless of your budget (which isn’t true). 
- Attending someone’s wedding isn’t a food-for-gift exchange—it’s about celebration and coming together. 
- This practice indicates to the couple that you’re only interested in giving them a gift that matches their wedding catering budget. 

## How Much Should I Spend on a Wedding Gift?
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These days, where cost-per-plate does not factor into your choice of wedding gift, exactly how much you should spend on a wedding gift depends on a variety of factors. Here are some general guidelines to follow:
- The average wedding gift amount ranges from $50 to $100, depending on how close you are to the couple. But more importantly, choosing a wedding gift isn’t about the price tag—it’s about giving the couple a special acknowledgment, from you to them, of this happy moment that they will use throughout their new life together. 
- Try to find a gift that has both special significance to you and fits within what you can comfortably spend.
- Most couples register for gifts in a range of prices, so while big-ticket items might be exciting, couples also want those smaller gifts that hold just as much meaning, purpose, or joy in their daily use.

If you’re still itching for dollar amount suggestions, follow these very loose guidelines for how much to spend on wedding gifts:
- If you’re a coworker, acquaintance, or distant relative: $50-$75
- If you’re a friend or relative of: $75-$100 
- If you’re a close friend, immediate family, or part of the wedding party: $100-$150+
- If you received a +1’s on your invitation: 1.5-2x more on the gift

## Is it OK to Give a Group Wedding Gift?
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Yes! If you want to give the couple a big ticket item that you can’t afford on your own, it’s a great idea to go in on a group gift with other guests. Zola’s [Group Gifting](https://www.zola.com/wedding-registry) feature can make this process extremely easy. Two pieces of advice here: 
- Make sure that everyone contributes the same amount they would have spent on smaller gifts purchased on their own.
- If you are attending a wedding as a large family, it’s a good rule of thumb that all adults (or each household) give their own gift. 

## Is it OK to give a Cash Wedding Gift?
Cash gifts are not only totally okay, they’re becoming more and more requested by modern couples who are getting married later in life and have already outfitted their homes. If the couple is using Zola, they may have even registered for [cash funds](https://www.zola.com/shop/honeymoon-cash-funds) to help them save for the honeymoon, a new home, a puppy, or even a lifetime supply of avocados (yes, it happened). However, there are a few best practices you should follow when contributing to a cash fund: 
- Make sure that you contribute cash through the couple’s registry, if their registry provides that option.
- If writing a check, mail it before the wedding day. Giving cash or check on the big day isn’t necessarily wrong, but it does run the risk of being lost in the chaos of the day. 
- If writing a check as a wedding gift, make sure to write it out to one person and to use pre-married names. Couples don’t always share joint accounts or change their names after the nuptials, which can lead to the bank refusing to accept the funds.

## Is it OK to Buy Wedding Gifts That Aren’t on The Wedding Registry?
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As a rule of thumb, it’s always best to purchase a gift on the couple’s wedding registry. That way you can ensure that they like (and need) the item. If all of their registry items have been purchased by the time to get around to buying a gift, you have a few options: 

1. Ask the couple if there’s anything else their hearts desire.
2. Contribute to a cash fund (or give them cash or a check directly).
3. Opt for an off-registry gift you’re 100% confident they’ll love. If you go with this option, make sure to get a gift receipt so that the couple can easily return duplicate or damaged items without hassle.

## Should I Buy a Gift if I Can’t Attend The Wedding? 
In short, yes. But there is some flexibility here depending on well you know the couple and your personal financial situation. If you’re close friends, it’s best to send a gift and a personalized note with warm wishes. Your mom’s boss’s daughter that you’ve never met? While it’s always polite to send a gift if you can, in less personal circumstances, you’re less on the hook.

## Should I Buy a Wedding Gift if it’s a Destination Wedding? 
Yes again. However, the travel and lodging costs that come with a destination wedding can put a big strain on your budget. It’s likely that the happy couple views your presence as a gift in itself, but if you want to get technical about it, purchasing a wedding gift is proper form even in the case of a destination wedding. If you’re shelling out quite a bit to actually make it to the wedding, then feel free to spend less than you typically would for a local celebration. 

## Do I Need to Buy a Gift for Every Wedding Event That I’m Invited to? 
Not to sound like a broken record, but yes, you should purchase a gift for each event. We know—buying this many gifts can be tough. If you’ve are invited to the engagement party, the shower, and wedding, we suggest planning ahead and setting a budget for gifts in advance. To make things easier on your wallet, follow the 20-20-60 rule, which dictates that you spread out your spending like so:
- 20% on the engagement gift
- 20% on the bridal shower 
- 60% on the wedding

## Should I Carry a Gift to The Wedding, Shower, or Engagement Party? 
Follow these rules to determine if you should physically bring a gift with you to any wedding-related festivities: 
- __If you attend a shower, engagement party, or purchase a gift that isn’t on the registry__, take the wrapped gift along with you to the event. 

- __If you bought a gift on a registry or are giving cash/check__, gifts should be mailed to the couple before the big day. 

*Zola Perk: Couples with a Zola registry have the option to ship your gift whenever is convenient for them, whether that’s before the wedding, after they return from the honeymoon, or months later.* 

## How Late Can I Give a Wedding Gift? 
Some will say that you have up to a year to purchase a wedding gift, but best practice is to always buy and send gifts before the wedding day or within 3 months of the nuptials. Any longer and you’re likely to forget. Plus, it’s more convenient for the couple to manage receiving gifts (and writing thank you notes) sooner rather than later. 

Still have questions? Our [registry advisors](https://www.zola.com/wedding-registry) are just a call or email away. Happy gift giving, wedding guests!

Receiving a wedding invitation: exciting! Being unable to finagle a wedding date (or friend): anxiety-inducing! Attending a wedding where you only know the couple may make you inclined to [RSVP “not attending.”](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/wedding-guests/invitation-etiquette/how-to-rsvp-to-a-wedding) We don’t blame you. The thought of sitting at a table making small talk with strangers sounds, uh, less than ideal. Before you decline and miss all the wedding fun, though, reconsider. Here’s how to attend a wedding alone and still have a great time.

## Dress for confidence.
If you’re nervous to attend a wedding alone then now is a good time to channel the whole “fake it til you make it” thing. Take the extra step to feel good about yourself—whether that means splurging on a blowout, buying a new suit, or [wearing those statement shoes](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/wedding-guests/general-etiquette/dos-donts-wedding-guest-fashion) you never have an occasion for. If you’re radiating confidence, you’ll carry yourself stronger and draw more people toward you. You’ll also be more inclined to approach others if you’re not feeling insecure about your appearance. 

![INLINE oh-honestly 1080x720 Tess&Sean](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/5xttTuyKtIW2pUzt7lkbPy/54b239924ab2d2fd19ed8511c4d07bd0/INLINE_oh-honestly_1080x720_Tess_Sean.jpg)
*Photo Credit* // Oh, Honestly Photography

## Unplug—for real.
Your phone is essentially an on-the-go safe space. It’s easy to scroll social media or text friends you wish were there whenever you feel lonely or awkward at a wedding. Although it may be comforting to be on your phone, try keeping your phone stowed away. Not only will it force you to interact with your fellow wedding guests, but it will also make you seem more open for others to approach you. If this sounds challenging, try setting a limit on the amount of time you can spend on your phone, such as you can only check your phone for five minutes every hour—and maybe in the bathroom or outside. 

## Come prepped.
If you get anxious about starting or continuing small talk with strangers, try to come prepared with a few questions to ask other guests. They can be as simple as asking where they’re from or how they know the newlyweds. Make it a challenge to start up a conversation with at least two people at your table. And if you run out of things to say, a compliment never fails. 

## Keep an eye out for other solo guests.
It’s unlikely that you’re the only single at the entire wedding. If you don’t get a chance to ask the couples about this ahead of the wedding, then keep an eye out on your own. Look for your fellow stag guests and don’t be afraid to make conversation. They’re probably in the same boat as you and will be more than happy to hang out and get to know you a little more. 

## Don’t get sloppy.
It may be tempting to hit the bar for some liquid courage—just be wary of [drinking too much](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/wedding-guests/general-etiquette/dos-and-donts-for-wedding-guests). It’s best to stick to one or two drinks at most. This will help you loosen up a bit, but still keep your mind sharp. The last thing you want to do is be sloppy at a wedding when no one is there to have your back. 

## Don’t hide.
Even if you’re more of an introvert, hiding out at a wedding might actually make you feel even lonelier and uncomfortable. Plus, the time will just drag on and on. Make yourself visible to other guests. No, that doesn’t mean throwing yourself into the spotlight, but small changes help. Instead of sitting in the back row, ask some friendly-looking guests if the seat next to them at the ceremony is taken. This integrates you into the crowd early on and will start your day off on the right foot.

![INLINE RosieNaryPhotography 1080x720 Erin&Tom](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/43MiaafDaTD8H0uwsiGlDR/2b237530a95dcf4d91a056c56e9dd00a/INLINE_RosieNaryPhotography_1080x720_Erin_Tom.jpg)
*Photo Credit* // Rosie Nary Photography

## Have a positive attitude.
Let go of expectations and actually believe you’ll have a good time—because you probably will. If you go in nervous and expecting a terrible time then that bad attitude will set you up for failure. You’ll be reserved and even potentially come off negative. Not a good look. Weddings are fun and, if nothing else, you have the couple in common with everyone else there. So, you should be able to find some common ground. At the end of the day, try to remember that you’re there for an important reason and that the day isn’t even about you—it’s about celebrating the wedding of people you care about! 

Attending a wedding alone isn’t the easiest thing for many people. However, the right mindset and a bit of solo preparation can give you the confidence you need to enjoy your night.

How to Attend a Wedding Alone

Weddings are a time to celebrate and let loose, but between [cocktail hour](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/top-10-tips-for-successful-cocktail-hour), drinks with dinner and sometimes an open bar, it’s not hard for guests to overindulge. “In the past at one wedding, a guest was very intoxicated and he actually tried to fight with another guest,” said Alana Klein, a wedding planner at Toronto’s [Swoon Events](https://www.swoonevents.ca/). “I tried to talk to him for a minute and just said, ‘Look, you're at a wedding…’ but he just wouldn't calm down. So in the end, we ordered him a cab and put him in it and sent him off.”

Thankfully, Klein says, situations like these are rare and most guests don’t try to fight with others. In fact, the majority of guests are on good behavior. Still, wedding guests drinking too much happens and can definitely be a problem—and one couples like to avoid. 

![INLINE MantasKubilinskasPhotography 1080x720 Danielled&Ted](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/1yHVzuoE6s03mpOxrI4Awa/0f56b253f8b046d3bfb9c1d7cc9497c5/INLINE_MantasKubilinskasPhotography_1080x720_Danielled_Ted.jpg)
*Photo Credit* // Mantas Kubilinskas Photography

## How To Prevent Guests From Drinking Too Much
First things first: you don’t need to have an open bar at your wedding if you don’t want to. It’s also perfectly OK to [buy a limited amount of alcohol](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-buy-alcohol-for-your-reception) or have a dry wedding altogether. Some guests even opt to [stay sober](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/stay-sober-at-a-wedding).

If you are serving booze at your wedding, though, there are simple tricks to help prevent guests from drinking too much. 

- __No shots.__ Klein says that some couples decide early on that shots won’t be served at their wedding, and make this rule known to staff. “All of the bartenders will be aware before the wedding starts that they're not allowed to give out shots,” Klein said. “Another way is to say no to double drinks.”
- __Consider alcohol type.__ Some couples only serve wine, beer, and nonalcoholic drinks during cocktail hour, while others opt for champagne. 
- __Close the bar.__ It’s not uncommon to shut down bar service during dinner, meaning guests can only enjoy table wine while they eat. (Plus between food and a slower flow of alcohol, dinner is a good time for guests to sober up if they’ve already had one too many.)
- __Stay hydrated.__ It’s also important to have water available at all times. Make sure the bar has water jugs set up so guests don’t have to wait in line, and ensure serving staff are always topping up glasses. 

Lastly, decide when you want the bar to shut down for good. Some venues have time limits on open bars, but you can work with a wedding planner or venue to determine what hours work best for you. It’s not always a good idea to have cocktails available until 2 a.m.

### Give a head’s up to the staff.
If you have a friend or family member who is known to end up intoxicated at events, you might want to talk to them before your wedding. It’s perfectly OK to tell your cousin or best friend that while you love them, you want to make sure they don’t take things too far. Let them know you want them to enjoy and have a good time, but won’t appreciate it if they end up sick in the bathroom.

You can also give the heads-up to your venue’s security or wedding planner if you want them to keep an eye on someone. 

“I had one wedding last summer where the bride did warn me beforehand,” Klein said. “She said, ‘You know my uncle sometimes takes it too far with the drinking… and if you need to kick him out, I give you permission to do that.’” 

![INLINE LaurenRyanPhotography 1080x720 Desiree&Henry](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/2vW3Td9mOaZk4h7N8ZLOmA/28dd7f3018c152970ebcbafc61a9f84c/INLINE_LaurenRyanPhotography_1080x720_Desiree_Henry.jpg)
*Photo Credit* // Lauren Ryan Photography

## How To Deal With Drunk Wedding Guests
Even with all your best intentions, it’s impossible to control everyone. 

- __Send them home.__ If a guest looks like they need to be in bed and not lifting up your grandma on the dance floor, it may be time to send them home. “At one wedding I did the best man's girlfriend had way too much to drink during cocktail hour, and I found her slumped in a chair in the lobby during dinner, throwing up all over herself,” Klein said. “In the end, the best man did end up having to leave with her to take her home.”
- __Lean on the staff.__ Klein says it’s usually up to security and on-site wedding staff to handle wasted guests. It shouldn’t be the responsibility of a bride or groom to monitor people’s alcohol consumption or tell someone to leave.
- __Trust your bartenders.__ They should also exercise their judgment and cut-off guests if they’re too inebriated. Couples can stress to bar staff that they’d prefer people to be cut off than overserved. 

“Discretion is a big thing for me,” Klein said. “If there is something going on that I don't necessarily have to alert the bride and groom to and we can deal with ourselves, then that's usually the way I like to go.”

### Schedule transportation.
It’s important to remember, however, that whether a guest has four drinks or fourteen, it’s never a good idea for them to drive home. 

Prevent any incidents by having the number of a local cab company handy for folks, and make sure transportation is available. A drunk guest sleeping at their table is always better than them behind the wheel.

How to Stay Sober at a Wedding

How to Handle a Super Drunk Wedding Guest

It’s no secret that wedding planning involves a long list of to-dos for the couple. It also includes a list of to-dos for guests. What’s one of the most important guest tasks? [Remembering to RSVP](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-rsvp-to-a-wedding). If you sent traditional invitations, RSVP cards were likely part of your invitation suite. [RSVP cards](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/a-guide-to-wedding-invitation-rsvps)—and the postmarked envelopes that they come with–make it easy for guests to say yes they can make it or regretfully decline. However, that doesn’t mean they won’t forget. You need a headcount, though, so here’s how to remind your wedding guests to RSVP.

## Why are RSVPs for weddings so important?
Your guests may not realize why you need to know if they’re coming or not. But many weddings operate on a “per person” basis. You need at least a close estimate of guest numbers to make a lot of decisions from the venue to the catering to the florist who will have to outfit the tables with centerpieces. You also can’t properly [create your wedding seating chart]( https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-create-a-wedding-seating-chart) without a set tally of yeses and noes. 

![Zola InlineImage 1080x720](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/2yUFM4QIlfRXLTEhIg3DHw/e3bf06d49c96aad002be361345db3f11/Zola_InlineImage_1080x720.jpg)
*Photo Credit* // [Zola](zola.com)

## How should I collect wedding RSVPs?
If you’re receiving physical RSVPs via cards, you will probably want to track responses digitally in a spreadsheet. Simply make a column with all of your guests’ names and then note yes or no, depending on their answer. 

Another (arguably easier) way to track RSVPs is via an [online guest list tool](https://www.zola.com/wedding-planning/guests), such as Zola’s. With Zola, you can create a digital guest list that allows you to update RSVP statuses as responses roll in or that allows your guests to record their own RSVPs online via [your wedding website](https://www.zola.com/wedding-planning/website).

## When should I realistically expect RSVPs?
Traditionally, wedding invitations are sent in the mail about six months before the wedding date. This gives enough time for the invitations to get to your guests and for them to return their RSVP card within the requested timeline (usually by two months before the wedding date). 

If you’re a little ahead or behind this timeline, there’s no reason to worry. This may impact when you receive any last minute RSVPs, though.

## How do I remind my wedding guests to RSVP? 
So your RSVP deadline has come and gone. Before jumping to panic, remember all the times you let invitations or emails slide without a timely response—it happens. Depending on the size and style of your wedding, the day you absolutely need a final headcount will vary. Ideally, you have responses two months ahead of your day so that you can plan your seating chart and other last-minute treats like wedding favors. 

We recommend waiting for one to two weeks after your deadline to start nudging your guests. Then you can take to your guest list and start tracking down those “no responses.”

![ScratchStudios InlineImage 1080x720 2](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/1QVW1iOZ15xQ2jugW3jI6s/daa93a4b4b1fe9acecf34cb1eb3e75ed/ScratchStudios_InlineImage_1080x720_2.jpg)
*Photo Credit* // Scratch Studios

### How should I reach out?
How you contact the guests who have yet to RSVP will depend on your relationship to them. For example, for close family relatives and friends whom you see on a regular basis, you might consider simply asking them in person. For distant relatives or friends who you don’t speak to on the regular, a phone call, text, or email might yield the best response rate. 

Social media is another great tool for reaching out to guests. However, be sure to avoid any group messages or posts that might reach friends or followers who did not get your original invite. 

Generally, a phone call or quick email should do it. In the case of any of your parents’ friends, ask mom or dad to nudge as necessary.

### What should I say?
First, be polite. Remember that, while it’s frustrating on your end that they have yet to respond to your RSVP, they have things going on in their life that may be preventing them from being as on point as usual. Then, build your message, including some of these key components:

- Be sure to ask them how they’re doing.
- Let them know—nicely—that the RSVP deadline passed and you still need a response.
- Emphasize how much you want them there to share in your special day.
- Wish them well and say thank you.

Ideally, they can give you a definitive answer right then. If for some reason, they can’t, it’s up to your discretion how much longer you can wait for a yes or no. Don’t forget that you’ll need a solid headcount to deliver to your vendors by a certain date to ensure that you not only have enough room but enough beverages, food, and supplies for each and every guest. For that reason, it’s also a good idea to go into your conversations prepared with a definitive deadline. If your guests don’t get back to you by then, it’s time to move on with planning without them.

Try not to get too stressed out or down about RSVPs. Late responses are a super common wedding conundrum—ask just about any bride. It’s not a reflection of you or your relationship or your big day. Don’t lose sight over the most important aspect of the planning: The celebration is all about you and the love of your life. 


Invitation Etiquette

How to Politely Remind Guests to RSVP

With so many different ways to send out wedding invitations and RSVPs, it can be a little confusing to know what the best way to RSVP to a wedding is. In this post, we’ll walk through how to RSVP to different types of wedding invitations.

There are a few things to keep in mind for all RSVPs, regardless of the format: 
1. Follow instructions from the couple so your RSVP is not lost
2. Include your full name(s)
3. Include your response (Attending or Not Attending)
4. Include the total number of guests attending
5. If entree selection is requested, place the initials of the guest next to each meal selection
6. Respond to any special prompts from the couple
7. Send RSVPs back as soon as you can

## What Does RSVP Mean? 
The acronym RSVP stands for the French phrase “répondez, s'il vous plaît" which translates literally to “respond if you please.” 

## When Should Guests RSVP to a Wedding?
<a id="respond"> </a>
Guest should respond to the invitation as quickly as possible, but at least by the RSVP deadline listed on the invite. The RSVP deadline should be two to three weeks before the wedding - enough time for the couple to get a final headcount and make arrangements as needed. Late RSVPs are not only impolite, but can lead to you not having a seat or meal at the wedding as wedding vendors require final headcount by a particular date. Whatever you do, don’t show up to the wedding without notifying the hosts that you’re planning to attend. 

## How to Fill Out a Wedding RSVP Card
<a id="forms"> </a>
A [wedding RSVP card](https://www.zola.com/wedding-planning/invitations/shop) will look different for every event, depending on the couple’s style and the formality of the celebration. However, there are a few things that are pretty standard across all RSVP cards. Here’s a breakdown of what you might typically find on a response card:

1. A place for your name(s)
2. A place to check off or write your response
3. A place to choose your meal of choice
4. A place to provide the total number of guests attending
5. A place to answer a fun question from the couple
6. A place to share a note with the couple

### How to Fill Out The Name Line(s)
Here are examples for how the name line(s) might be worded: 

 – __M__\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ 
 -OR- 
 – Name(s):\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ 

Here are examples for how to actually fill it out: 

 – __M__ r. David Beckham & Mrs. Victoria Beckham 
 -OR- 
 – Name(s): Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi 

__Pro Tips:__
1. Include the first and last name for each guest. 
2. Do not add the names of individuals to whom the invitation was not specifically addressed. 
3. Unless the invitation is addressed with a nickname, don’t use one on the RSVP card. 
4. Use proper titles if the name space has a capital “M” (see more on this below). 

## What Does The “M” Means on a Wedding RSVP?
On more formal wedding invitations, the name line is often preceded by a capital letter “M.” What does this mean, and more importantly, what is it for? It’s actually pretty simple. The “M” indicates that guests should fill out the line for their names with their proper title(s): Mr., Mrs., Ms., Miss. 
- For example: __M__ r. Shawn “Jay-Z” Carter & Mrs. Beyoncé Knowles-Carter

## What If There’s No RSVP Card? 
If the invitation doesn’t have a response card included, look closely at the invitation for details about how to RSVP. It’s likely that the wedding hosts have opted to take RSVPs online (a common choice with couples who use Zola, since our [Tools](https://www.zola.com/wedding-planning/guests) makes it easy to track responses and keep them all in one place). Alternatively, the host has included other instructions, like a phone number or email address, for how to communicate your acceptance or your regrets. 

## How to RSVP Online
How to RSVP online will vary depending on which [website](https://www.zola.com/wedding-planning/website) or tool the couple has chosen for gathering responses. Your best bet is to type the URL provided on the invitation into your browser and follow the steps provided. The same rules of etiquette apply if you’re RSVPing online (with the exception of those that only relate to paper response cards), so see our quick list of RSVP rules to follow below. 

## How to RSVP By Email
When the hosts ask that you RSVP via email, it’s important to honor their request and follow directions. Specifics will vary, but here are some basic guidelines. 

- __RSVP on time.__ As with all RSVPs, do the couple the courtesy of responding by the provided deadline. 
- __Respond to the email provided.__ It can be tempting to shoot over a text or use a personal email you might already have saved for the couple, but it’s important that you address your reply to the email provided on the invitation. It’s likely that the couple created a dedicated email address for the wedding to make it easier to keep track of responses. 
- __Write a gracious note, regardless of accepting or declining.__ While a simple “yes” or “no” gets the point across, it isn’t the most polite. Take a few moments to write a personal message to the couple when you RSVP via email. Also, make sure to include your name, how many in your party will be attending or declining (if someone other than you was invited), and any other information the couple has asked you to provide (such as entree choice or song request). See sample wording just below.

## How to RSVP By Email Sample Wording

*Dear Charles & Audra,* 

*Thank you for inviting us to join your wedding celebration. Matt and I are happy to accept your invitation to the wedding day and the rehearsal.* 

*In regard to entree choices, Matt and I would both prefer fish.* 

*Looking forward to the big day!*

*Warmly,*
*Matt & Shea Simmons*

## How to Decline a Wedding Invitation
<a id="decline"> </a>
It’s okay if you are unable to attend the wedding, but it’s important to let the hosts know by declining their invitation formally. Don’t assume that not responding at all makes it clear that you won’t be present. Here’s how to properly decline a wedding invitation: 

- __RSVP with a “No.”__ If you need to decline an invitation, it’s proper etiquette to RSVP via the host’s preferred method (online, response card, etc.) with a “no” or “regrets.” It’s never okay to not respond at all. If you’re particularly close with the couple, it can also be a nice gesture to send them a handwritten note or call them in addition to expressing your regrets formally. 
- __Make sure to still send a wedding gift.__ Even if you cannot attend the wedding, it’s important to still send the couple a wedding gift from their [Registry](https://www.zola.com/wedding-registry). 
- __Don’t change your mind.__ Once you have declined, it’s bad form to change your response later. The hosts are required to give final guest counts to their caterer and many other vendors before the wedding to ensure that there’s enough seating and food for everyone. Although the couple may be overjoyed that your situation has changed, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they can accommodate you. And whatever you do—never show up at a wedding after you have responded no to the invitation without speaking to the hosts first. 
- __Don’t make up excuses.__ If you have a legitimate excuse for declining the invitation, it’s fine to share with the couple why you cannot attend their celebration. However, it’s not necessary—and it’s sometimes better to decline without details if the reason behind your absence could hurt the couple’s feelings. 

## How to Decline a Wedding Invitation Sample Wording

*Dear Charles & Audra,*

*Thank you so much for inviting us to join you at your upcoming wedding. Unfortunately, we will not be able to attend as we will be out of the country on business that weekend. We are sad to miss this special event and will be celebrating with you from afar on the big day.*

*Sending our love and best wishes. Congratulations!*

*With love,* 
*Matt & Shea Simmons*

## What to Do If You Can’t Attend A Wedding After RSVPing Yes
Life happens, and there will be instances where you are unable to attend a wedding after you have said “yes” on the RSVP. Whether it be inclement weather, an illness, or an emergency, there’s a right and wrong way to inform the couple that you won’t be able to make it to the celebration:

- __Have a good reason for your cancellation.__ Only back out if the circumstances are truly serious, such as a severe illness or a family emergency. Time and money have been dedicated to preparing for your presence at the wedding, so don’t disregard your commitment lightly. 
- __Don’t bother the couple if it’s the wedding day.__ If you need to cancel on the day of the wedding, don’t reach out to the couple. Instead, touch base with the planner or the maid of honor or best man to inform them that you are unable to attend. The couple should be focused on getting married and distractions like these will only cause stress. 
- __Apologize.__ Even if the situation was outside of your control, it’s good decorum to apologize to the couple for missing their big day. As mentioned before, lots of planning was done to secure your spot—let them know that you appreciate all their prep work by issuing a sincere apology for your absence. 

## Wedding RSVP Etiquette 
- __Don’t add additional guests.__ You should never add additional guests to your RSVP. Only those to whom the invitation is addressed should respond and/or attend the celebration. 
- __Don’t swap out +1s.__ If one or more of your party cannot attend the event, note that it isn’t okay to swap out the guest that cannot attend with someone else. In the case that the invitation reads “with guest,” note that you may bring whomever you like. Traditionally your guest would be your romantic partner or spouse. 
- __Don’t (attempt to) RSVP to a wedding you haven’t been invited to.__ Period. 
- __Fill out the response card fully, if provided.__ Do the hosts a favor and make sure to fully fill out the RSVP card with all requested information. They are likely already juggling a lot of planning details, so don’t make them track you down for your preferred menu selections, too. 
- __Follow instructions and the host’s preferred RSVP method.__ Similarly, make sure to RSVP using the method the hosts have requested. If they’ve asked you to respond online, don’t shoot them a text, a call, or send them a DM on Instagram. Using anything other than their preferred way of gathering responses will make it difficult for them to keep track of everyone and maintain accurate totals. 
- __Use the RSVP card, if provided.__ If a paper response card is included with your invitation, use it let the hosts know if you can attend or can’t make it. 
- __Use the provided stamped envelope.__ Don’t go rogue with the response card envelope either. If there’s an RSVP card included with your invitation, traditionally an envelope (complete with a return address and postage) is included is well. Don’t let that stamp go to waste! 
- __Respond even if you can’t attend.__ Even if you can’t attend the wedding, you should always respond to acknowledge that you’ve received the invitation and to politely decline. 
- __Respond to all wedding event invitations.__ You should receive separate invitations to all wedding-related events, such as the engagement party, shower, and rehearsal dinner. RSVP to each event individually (again, using whatever RSVP method they’ve requested). Don’t assume that a “yes” to one is a “yes” to all, or that you can just send blanket “regrets.” Also, an invitation to the wedding doesn’t mean that you’re automatically included on the guest list for all pre-nuptial celebrations—use your invitations as guides!

For most people, being assigned to give a [wedding speech](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-give-a-great-wedding-toast) is a nerve-wracking experience. Even the most prepared and experienced speakers might sweat at the thought of hopping up in front of wedding guests and attempting to do the newlyweds justice with just a few enlightening sentences. With all that pressure, [wedding speeches](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/give-wedding-speech-hate-public-speaking) have a tendency to go haywire. Thanks to alcohol, anxiety, or attention, it’s easy for people to end up rambling or mumbling the rest of their speech. Keep your wedding speeches and your reception on track. Here’s how to gracefully cut off a wedding speech when it starts to go overboard. 

## What makes a wedding speech worthy of an interruption?
Wedding speeches should be short, sweet, and always focused on the newlyweds. Obviously, the style of the speech should be tailored to whoever has the honor of speaking. If the best man is a jokester then expect lots of laughs. However, there are a few symptoms of a speech heading south. 

- __It took a dark turn.__ If someone’s speech turns toward upsetting topics, stories, or even darker humor, it might be wise to step in before the entire mood of the wedding shifts. 
- __It’s turned to a tangent.__ Most commonly, wedding speeches end up on a tangent that leaves everyone sitting there listening to an unrelated story about *“this one time when…”* When you notice the topic shifting from the newlyweds, give it a minute to come back. If the tangent continues, step in. 
- __It’s getting embarrassing.__ Embarrassing stories are pretty commonplace for wedding speeches. However, if you know for a fact that the bride didn’t want a certain story from college to be revealed to her coworkers and relatives then you might need to cut off the speech ASAP.
- __It became controversial.__ On that note, wedding speeches should avoid topics that you wouldn’t typically want to bring up at the Thanksgiving dinner table. Politics, for example, aren’t really wedding speech material. 

![INLINE DolcePhotography 1080x720 Megan&Roberto](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/4Gms4De3mnsiWZ76eYv6yI/d2782f21b01d874d90daf80e38b7285b/INLINE_DolcePhotography_1080x720_Megan_Roberto.jpg)
*Photo Credit* // Dolce Photography

## How to Stop a Wedding Speech
Now that you know *when* to stop a wedding speech, let’s talk about how to stop a wedding speech—with as much tact as possible. 

### Show a sign.
Your first attempt to halt a rambling speech should include a signal to the speaker from the back of the room with your hand. This is the least disruptive way to get their attention without getting the audience’s attention. In fact, if the speaker knows that they’re going to be giving a speech, let them know ahead of time that you’ll be giving them a signal when it’s time to wrap up the speech. Blame it on wanting to keep the reception moving so the couple can celebrate and get dancing.

### Wait for proper timing.
Sometimes a hand signal just doesn’t get the right message across and it’s time to physically interrupt someone’s speech. Interrupting anyone who is speaking can feel incredibly awkward and uncomfortable. We’re taught to not interrupt so this behavior can feel backward. 

When someone’s speech starts going south, make sure to pay close attention to timing. Don’t just jump in while they’re mid-sentence. That will only embarrass them and draw attention to the fact that they were struggling with their speech. Try to wait until there’s a natural lull in their speech like a pause or a moment of brief applause.

### Blame the schedule.
To ease awkwardness as much as possible, try blaming time and the tight wedding schedule for cutting someone’s speech short. Apologize for cutting them off and be as warm as possible so that the person (and honestly, the audience too) doesn’t feel like anything went wrong. Smooth sailing, folks! It’s all about illusion.

### Thank the person.
When you do have to stop someone mid-speech, make sure to exhibit all your manners! Be as polite as possible. If there is just one thing you do when interrupting a rambling speech, it’s to thank the person for their kind words. Then focus the audience’s attention back onto the newlyweds. 

![INLINE TrinityPhotography 1080x720 Hannah&Ryan](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/5EinP0LBLibPumFac6UyHV/210fe18918ed9abeafbfe1c4d515657d/INLINE_TrinityPhotography_1080x720_Hannah_Ryan.jpg)
*Photo Credit* // Trinity Photography

## Who should stop a wedding speech?
You may not feel like the right person to cut off one of the bride’s family members or one of the couple’s close friends. That makes sense. It could dad who gets too long-winded, after all. Who stops the speech can be just as important as how the speech is stopped. Here are some people you can count on to help.
- __The wedding planner.__ If the couple has employed a planner or day-of coordinator, he or she can step in to keep things moving and cut a rambling speech off. This person is probably already privy to any potential difficult speech moments (maybe the groom’s sister tends to swear and tangent a lot) so he or she will likely be on the lookout to step in.
- __The DJ or band.__ The wedding entertainment usually plays a big role in keeping the reception and speech timeline moving. They’ll introduce and also call for applause or a toast at the beginning and end of each speech. So, in a pinch, get their attention and they can play the speech-giver off in a funny and gentle way.
- __The parents.__ Not the most ideal situation, but sometimes you need a parental direction to get things back on track. If the offending speech-giver isn’t mom or dad, then perhaps a parent can give the hand signal to wrap it up. This could be especially helpful if the person giving the speech is a close family friend or sibling.

Rambling wedding speeches may be a bit uncomfortable and awkward but in all honesty, they’re miniscule compared to everything else that can go haywire or “wrong” during a wedding. As long as you’re polite but assertive, you can smoothly regain control over any wedding speech mishap!

Your wedding guest book can be so much more than paper and binding. Get creative with these 52 unique wedding guest book ideas you and your guests are sure to love. 

52 Unique Wedding Guest Book Ideas You’ll Want to Bookmark

couple adds personal touches to reception

6 Small Ways to Add Personal Touches to Your Reception

How to Buy Alcohol for Your Reception

How to Create a Wedding Seating Chart

29 Unique Wedding Centerpiece Ideas You'll Say "Yes" To

36 Wedding Send-Off Ideas To Say Goodbye in Style

Two chilled glasses of citrus drinks in front of blackboard with signature drink written on it in background

How to Choose a Signature Wedding Cocktail  

What to Eat On Your Wedding Day + 4 Foods to Avoid

How to Stop a Rambling Wedding Speech

Telling someone they aren’t invited to your wedding can be, well, awkward, especially when they bring it up. While you shouldn’t feel bad that you can’t include everyone—venues have limits and [so does your wallet](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/7-reasons-you-may-go-over-your-wedding-budget-and-how-to-not)—there are certainly better and worse ways to let someone know their invite isn’t in the mail. Here’s exactly what to say to friends who aren’t invited to your wedding. 

## You can’t afford it.
[Weddings can be expensive](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-much-does-a-wedding-cost). While it’s possible to get hitched on a budget, every guest still costs you and your partner money. Shrinking your [guest list](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-make-a-wedding-guest-list) is one of the easiest [ways to cut costs](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/5-ways-cut-wedding-costs). Your friends who aren’t invited may understand this from the jump—or they may come directly to you and ask why they weren’t invited. It’s important to reiterate how important they are to you, but explain external factors were at play. 

__What to say:__ Always start off positive and validate your friend's feelings. You can say, “I really value our friendship and wanted you there, but unfortunately, due to our budget, we weren’t able to invite everyone. I hope you understand and know that I would love to celebrate with you on our own at a later date.” 

![INLINE Unsplash 1080x720](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/TWquCdXHz5KRrj2GYYadF/ff194ad849f97265f7de7a794200af32/INLINE_Unsplash_1080x720.jpg)
*Photo Credit* // Unsplash

## You’re worried about their behavior.
This is a touchy subject, but sometimes you don’t want to invite someone because of their undesirable behavior. Maybe your old frat brother really takes advantage of open bars—in a way that may distract from your night, or maybe you have a friend prone to constant gossip. Whatever the behavior, if you don’t want it at your wedding, you don’t need to have it. 

__What to say:__ If you’re comfortable being direct (and kind!), you can tell the person that because of their past behavior, they’re unfortunately not invited to your wedding. There’s a good chance the person is aware of their less-than-appropriate actions, so the news shouldn’t come as a total shock. Still, be gentle. This can also be a good opportunity for you to address any awkwardness or tension, and hopefully, even clear the air. 

Say something along the lines of, “You are a very special person in my life, but unfortunately because of [insert behavior here], we decided it was best to not have you at our wedding. I hope you can understand where we are coming from, and realize this was a hard decision to make.” 

## You’re not as close anymore.
Friendships take different forms over the years, and you may not be as close to your college roommates, for example, today as you were back then. There may also be friends who invited you to their wedding years ago, but since then, you’ve lost touch. Just because you once had a close bond with someone doesn’t mean they automatically should be on your guest list. 

__What to say:__ Former close friends may feel hurt by the lack of invite so it’s important to talk to them with compassion. Say, “I value you as a friend and we’ve been through a lot together over the years. Because of the nature of our wedding, unfortunately, we couldn’t include everyone from our circles—even though we wish we could! I would love to catch up with you after the wedding and go for dinner.”

## They’re your coworkers. 
First things first: You don’t need to invite anyone from work if you don’t want to. While you may have a good relationship with coworkers or your boss, if you don’t have a friendship outside of work, there’s no need for them to come to your wedding. It’s also perfectly OK to invite one or two of your closest work pals and no one else. Again, this is your wedding and you can invite who you’d like. That being said, it can be awkward if your coworkers know you’re getting married, and continually ask you about your wedding planning.

__What to say:__ If you’re having an intimate wedding, tell them that. You can say, “We’re keeping our wedding very small, strictly close family and friends. I’ll be sure to fill you in and show you photos once I return from my honeymoon.” You can also suggest post-wedding celebratory drinks with your colleagues. Pick a bar near the office and make the invite open.  

![INLINE Unsplash 1080 x 720](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/QbrVtifMctbSz1kZBBY9C/70cc5dca469dc6a7f49366ada84e253e/INLINE_Unsplash_1080_x_720.jpg)
*Photo Credit* // Unsplash

## They’re distant relatives or there’s family drama. 
Maybe your mom doesn’t speak to her sister or you aren’t close with your second cousin. Distant relatives or family members who have tension with your immediate clan may not get an invite. This is a touchier conversation to have because family may feel offended if others are included and they aren’t.

__What to say:__ If you aren’t close to a family member but your parents are, however, your mom or dad may be the best one to explain the decision. If the uninvited person brings it up to you, you can simply say, “We’re so lucky to have so many family members, but unfortunately we couldn’t invite them all. We would love to see you for a celebration after the wedding.”

If there’s a relative that doesn’t get along well with others, or you’ve had a falling out with, they probably know why they aren’t getting a save-the-date. If you need to address the topic with them you can say, “I wish we were able to have you at our wedding, but due to circumstances, we are unable to have you there. Hopefully, in the future we will be able to celebrate as a family.”

## Post-wedding Solutions
If there were quite a few guests you couldn’t include on your big day, you may want to have a post-wedding celebration, like a backyard potluck or cocktail party at your home. That way, you can invite a group of people who missed your wedding and have a mini-celebration. 

Seeing friends one-on-one is also a great way to smooth over any hard wedding feelings as a catch-up over dinner offers those unable to attend your nuptials your undivided attention. 

It’s important to remember, however, that if a guest is upset they aren’t invited to your wedding, it’s not up to you to justify your choice or apologize profusely. Be compassionate and listen to their feelings, but also be confident in your decision. As long as you and your spouse are at your nuptials, your most important guests are accounted for. 

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How to Talk to Friends Who Weren't Invited to Your Wedding

Guest books are essentially crowdsourced wedding keepsakes—and they’re popular. As a wedding guest, you probably want to [write something more creative](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/what-to-write-in-a-wedding-card) than the standard “Congratulations on your special day!” However, if you don’t want to be predictable and pre-written, you’ll need to work on crafting a heartfelt, personal note. Here’s exactly how to write a meaningful and memorable wedding guest book message.

## Break it down.
While every guest book entry is different (and there are no set rules for writing one), many of them are made up of similar elements: a congratulations, a thank you for being invited to the wedding, and a well wish for the couple’s newlywed life. The congratulations and thanks are pretty straight-forward. It’s the third part that may trip you up. 

- Well wishes can range from short and sweet to more personal and sentimental. A few examples include:
- Wishing you a long and happy marriage.
- Best wishes for a fun-filled future together!
- As you grow and change, I hope your love and commitment remain unwavering.
- Seeing you two together helped show me what true love really is. Best wishes for a future filled with happiness!

Though none of these are deeply personal or particularly unique, they can serve as a great starting point if you have writer’s block (or if you’re attending the wedding of someone you don’t know all that well).

![INLINE LisaKayCreativePhotography 1080x720 Chrisi&Chris](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/4t4rZHjfx1QXNIuSruWUAx/28b9850fd7f11b91a8923debcbc8eab6/INLINE_LisaKayCreativePhotography_1080x720_Chrisi_Chris.jpg)
*Photo Credit* // Lisa Kay Creative Photography

## Let your personality shine.
Historically, guest book entries are often [formal and somewhat rehearsed](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/dos-and-donts-for-wedding-guests), like some of the examples listed above. While it’s not an absolute necessity to let your personality come out in your note, if you have the room for it, then go for it. 

Those with a humorous streak may choose to write something like “don’t mess this one up” or “can’t wait to toss rice at you!” If you’re more of a sentimental type, consider reflecting on past memories and think of what may trigger tears of happiness. These types of notes not only feel better to write but will immediately make the couple think of you as they read them.

## Keep the couple in mind.
If you’re a comedian at heart, but the couple getting married is reserved or religious, then something like “thanks for the free booze” may be a little off-putting for them to read. On the opposite end of the spectrum, if the couple is known for having a wild side, then something too formal may seem bland or predictable.

You want your personality and writing style to come through while not letting yourself forget about the purpose of the assignment altogether: demonstrating your heartfelt congratulations to the newlyweds. Always remember that many people are likely going to read what you write, which leads to our next point…

## Consider the type of guest book.
Couples are getting more and more creative, which means [guest books aren’t always just books](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/wedding-guest-book-ideas) anymore. Are your friends world travelers who are repurposing an old globe? Then a short, sweet note or signature might do. Do they have a full photo album to fill with polaroids and thoughtful messages from their guests? Then a longer personal memo may be more fitting.

You want to be especially careful (and respectful) with funnier entries if the guest book is something that’s going to be on display in their home, like a quilt or canvas print. It’s always good to have fun with it, as long as you keep certain parameters in mind. 

![INLINE Kivus&Camera 1080x720 Sarah&Monty](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/RTBIOXSfx4rBRl50JPnLq/41275340730a8ffdc933fd296add2964/INLINE_Kivus_Camera_1080x720_Sarah_Monty.jpg)
*Photo Credit* // Kivus & Camera

## Think about the message you want to convey.
Do you want the couple to cry? Laugh? Think about the time they first met? These are all things to consider when writing your message. Some guests even choose to leave a [small piece of wisdom](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/should-my-plus-one-sign-the-wedding-card) for the couple to keep in mind. If you think this is something they’d appreciate, then a simple piece of advice may have a significant impact.
	
## Still having trouble? Time to brainstorm.
So how do you come up with something uniquely personal? Here are some useful starting points to brainstorm what you want to say:
- Think back to the first time you met your friend (or their significant other) and reflect on what has changed since then.
- What’s your favorite poem? Religious verse? Book passage? Think of ways to include a piece of that.
- What advice did you most appreciate in your relationship?
- How has each individual made each other better? Make note of that.
- What is something sweet about the couple that they might not notice, but you do?
- Think back to an embarrassing memory that will make them laugh, then tie it back to their relationship (or a witty piece of advice).
- Ask a married couple you respect for their most prized piece of marriage advice.

Whether you choose to keep it simple or more involved, as long as you consider the couple, your relationship with them, and the wedding guest book format, your guest book entry will be well received and appreciated.

How to Write a Memorable Guest Book Entry

For the most part, [wedding guest etiquette](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/dos-and-donts-for-wedding-guests) is pretty straightforward. [RSVP](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/a-guide-to-wedding-invitation-rsvps) by the requested date, choose a registry gift, [dress appropriately](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/dos-donts-wedding-guest-fashion), and show up ready to celebrate. Yet, some aspects of attending aren’t always so clear-cut. We’re talking about plus-ones. Ideally, your invitation should state whether or not you can bring one, but if it doesn’t, you might not feel sure. 

Many would have you believe that you should never, under any circumstances, ask about a plus-one. There’s a lot of contradicting advice in this area, though, and etiquette can change overtime. Here’s when you should—and definitely shouldn’t—ask for a plus-one to a wedding.

## Don’t ask if… one isn’t listed on your invitation.
As a standard rule, if a plus one (or “guest”) isn’t listed on your invitation, you likely aren’t meant to bring one. In this case, it may be considered rude to ask the couple if you can bring someone anyway. Don’t take it personally—there are plenty of reasons why couples don’t include plus-ones. Mainly: the budget. Weddings are expensive and pushing the question might lead to an awkward conversation about finances. 

On the other hand, the couple may be hoping for a small, intimate ceremony exclusive to their loved ones. It’s important that you respect the couple’s decision. It’s their day, after all, not yours. And don’t worry, if you didn’t get a plus-one, a lot of other people didn’t get one either.

## Do ask if… you’re in a serious relationship.
There are a few situations in which it’s understandable to ask about a plus-one. One such case is if you’re married, engaged, living with your significant other, or are in a long-term committed relationship that the couple is aware of. Typically, you should expect to see your partner’s name [addressed on your save-the-date](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-address-wedding-invitations) and invitation. If it isn’t, though, it’s fair to reach out and ask if a mistake has been made. While partners are usually invited guests and not considered plus-ones, there’s a chance there could’ve been an oversight.

![L. Hewitt Photography InlineImage 1080x720](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/4MacThWYvXD1MEc09dmi3g/308007a674fcda01ae4280a128f72db0/L._Hewitt_Photography_InlineImage_1080x720.jpg)
*Photo Credit* // L. Hewitt Photography

## Don’t ask if… you’re casually seeing someone.
Unlike the aforementioned, if you’re casually dating someone, don’t assume you’ll be able to bring them. That is unless your invitation clearly states that you have a plus-one. If it doesn’t, it’s safe to surmise that asking the couple for one anyway will result in being turned down. 

The same could be said if you’re single or otherwise unattached. Again, it’s nothing against you and was likely a decision that came down to many factors. Before asking a loved one why the person you’re going on semi-regular dates with isn’t invited, ask yourself if you’ll really miss them in wedding photos years down the line.

## Do ask if… you’re genuinely unsure.
If you’re truly unsure of whether you get a plus-one, it’s acceptable to reach out for clarification. For example, perhaps your save-the-date doesn’t specify any names and you need to know ahead of time so you can plan. Maybe you moved in with your partner or got engaged after invitations were sent out. While asking about bringing a guest is daunting, assuming you can bring one—or leaving someone out when the couple was actually expecting them—is worse.

![Justine & Wayne InlineImage 1080x720](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/69pCMP19Tvdz0bXZNKqe12/c136caa993a260d6e224bebf074d5e19/Justine___Wayne_InlineImage_1080x720.jpg)
*Photo Credit* // Justine & Wayne

## How to Ask For A Plus-One
When it comes down to it, how you ask is more impactful than whether you do. Keep the following in mind when reaching out.

### Do
- __Be straightforward, respectful, and polite.__ You’re asking the hosts if you can include someone in their day, which is a huge favor. Be thoughtful and get to the point.
- __Be casual.__ Don’t make it a bigger deal than it is.
- __Ask over the phone.__ Text messages and emails can be misinterpreted as critical and rude. That is if they don’t get lost in a pile of other unread texts and emails (hey, [wedding planning](https://www.zola.com/wedding-planning) is busy work). Calling also gets you an immediate response.
- __Acknowledge that they might decline__—and that’s okay. Be sure to mention that, regardless, you’re appreciative of their consideration.
- __End on a good note.__ Saying something as simple as, “Thanks for talking to me about it. I’m really looking forward to the big day!” is perfect.

### Don’t
- __Guilt someone__ into allowing you a guest. Don’t make the day about you by trying to garner sympathy. This could lead to serious resentment down the line.
- __Refuse a no.__ Continuing to push after you’ve already been given an answer is not only disrespectful but stressful on an already stressed-out couple.
- __Assume__ you can bring a guest and forgo asking at all.
- __Take a no personally.__ This isn’t about you.

Asking for a plus-one to a wedding isn't the most comfortable thing to do. Be sure to keep it casual and always reiterate your gratitude, regardless of the response you receive.



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